The Lead
by Yanayamel
Summary: *final chapter's up* Pacey finds himself sharing a dorm room with his oldest friend, meeting new people, getting over an old love and maybe finding a new one. This is AU, check out Author's Notes for more information. P/Jo - as always. And remember - reviews are still appreciated, even if thes story has been finished.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the original storyline, even though I wish I did.

Author's Notes I: This is AU (as per usual,I won't give away too much at this point, I think it unfolds itself pretty easily) and from Pacey's POV. This may change over the course of the storyline but not necessarily. I hope you guys like it! THough, I have to warn you, there will be a lack of updates until the late of august, because I'm on a camping trip for some time and I won't have access to anything internet-like for this time. I wanted to wait with posting this until I get back, but… I couldn't help but share this piece. Just to know if you guys like it and want this to continue. I have not a word more of this written by now, but as you know by now: Reviews might create surprise-updates :-)

Author's Notes II: Okay, so I know some of you would like me to write an epilogue for On Different Ways and well... I guess you've outnumbered me :-) I promise there will be either a second chapter to this story OR an epilogue for beloved ODW before I go on vacation. So, forgive me for posting this, knowing there will be a lack of update-time on my side.

I hope you enjoy and this is your pair of shoes!

Yana

 **The Lead**

\- Chapter one -

Pacey couldn't help but grin the most shit-eating-grin he ever had. This was just so incredible, unbelievable, indescribable, fantastic, brilliant… Wow! He got into Harvard!

'Wow man, we did it! We really, really, really did it. Man!' He jumped in the air as he patted Dawson's shoulder. 'I mean... Wow! How cool is this?' He wagged his head in disbelieve as he stepped into the dorm room he would share with his best friend in the world for the foreseeable future. 'Man! Look at this!' Pacey gestured around and looked at Dawson over his shoulder. Eyes shining and this fat grin on his face.

'It's a dorm room, Pace...' Dawson said, chuckling at his friends enthusiastic.

'Yeah, but this...' Pacey walked through the room and opened a window. He took a deep breath and looked around the campus. '...this is Harvard, D!' And then he began to laugh out loud and shouted 'Yeeeehaaaa! We did it!' A few of the students which passed the window just looked up, grinning and gave him a thumbs up.

He turned to find Dawson still standing in the doorframe, watching his friend with his typical I-think-you're-crazy-but-I-like-you-nonetheless-smile. Dawson nodded a small nod and then chuckled again. 'Yeah, Pace, we did.' Dawson let his bag drop to the floor and Pacey expected some 'you'd-known-this-for-some-time-now-so-would-you-please-calm-down' or 'don't-make-a-fool-of-yourself' kind of speech but instead Dawson stepped beside him and with a big, face wide grin he lifted his fists and shouted: 'We did it. Yieha!' And pulled Pacey in the warmest embrace ever, patting him on the back.

'Man, had anyone told me the two of us would end up in the same dorm room at Harvard, I would have sent him straight to the next madhouse.' Pacey shook his head and felt as he would burst with pride and joy.

'I did!' Dawson grinned at his friend, while shrugging casually and Pacey just grinned back.

'Yeah you did. But... this is just so…. I have no word for it…. brilcredious.' Pacey said with shining eyes.

'Brilcredious?' Dawson raised a brow at Pacey and burst into laughter.

'Yes, absolutely!' Pacey nodded.

'What's this even for a word?'

'Short for brilliant, incredible, fabulous.' Pacey said with the most serious expression on his face. 'Brilcredious. I think I like the sound of this word.'

'Yeah, Pace. Me too.' Dawson said, still laughing and trying to catch his breath. 'Come on man, let's get settled. There'll be a freshmen-welcome-party tonight and knowing you like I do, you like to attend it.' Dawson smirked. 'I'm pretty sure there'll be more than a few hot girls down there tonight.'

'Damn right I want to attend it.' Pacey smiled. 'So let's get settled then.'

While the two of them unpacked their bags, Pacey thought about all the events that had led to him settling in to a Harvard dorm room in the first place.

* * *

First of all, Andie cheated on him. Sweet, innocent Andie slept with some random guy she met while she was in mental rehab. That was back in sophomore year. And the thought of it alone made his heart ache even after all this time. He had loved her like he never loved someone before. He wanted to give her his all and everything. She was supposed to be his first time. Oh, he hand loved her so much he could still feel it, when he looked at a photograph and there were a few songs he just couldn't listen to without aching.

Man, she broke his heart and he did what he could best and ran away for the summer. He went sailing with Dawson on the ship Pacey had restored over the course of summer to lessen his anxiety over the forced separation from his girlfriend. For the whole summer it was just the two of them and it made the friendship they shared all their lives even more strong and unshakable.

As they came back to Capeside after a whole, blissfully carefree summer, Pacey took the hardest fall. He was about to drop out of high school because of his grades. After being told so he escaped to the one place that served him as a save place over the summer. And he thought about running again. That was where Dawson found him late at this very night. He began digging at this special Dawson-way of his and Pacey finally opened up to him at length, because really, what choice did he have. His friend listened careful and then shrugged casually. 'Okay man. Let's show them all! You won't drop out of school, I promise.' Dawson said while sipping on his beer on the deck of the True Love in the warm summer nights breeze. 'You and me - we'll go to college together.' Pacey had only chuckled and nodded. 'Yeah man, whatever you say.'

But what Pacey hadn't expected, was Dawson's sincerity. And so they had studied like hell this year. Pacey had evening classes and afterwards they had met at Dawson's and they studied through most of the nights. Pacey slept over at Dawsons regularly, so Gail wouldn't even ask if he would be there for breakfast, but wonder if he wasn't. They had barely seen any of their friends. It was only as they got their grades the next summer that Pacey realised he was second of the whole year. He remembered looking at principal Green and accusing him of making a fool of him, but Mister Green only smiled and shook his head. 'No, Pacey, I am a hundred percent serious here.'

'Wow, well… Thank you principal Green.' Pacey had said, totally stunned but the principal only chuckled.

'Don't thank me, thank yourself, Pacey. And let me tell you this. If you keep going like you did this year, there will be nothing that will hold you back from whatever dream it is that kept you going this year.' He remembered exiting the bureau and hugging the strange guy waiting in line. He just wanted to explode with joy. Pacey ran through the floors, picked some random girl up on his way, swirled her around and kissed her cheek, which made her blush an awesome shade of red. 'Dawson!' He yelled and continued his run until he found Dawson, Christy and Drue in the cafeteria. He literally jumped into their little group, interrupting whatever conversation they had and hugged them, kissed Christy on the mouth (What earned him the hottest night ever), jumped in the air, let out a shout of pure joy. 'I did it, man! I am second! Second, D!' He raised his fists and beamed at his friend. 'Well, congratulations, Pacey!' Dawson chuckled and his friends just rejoiced with him. He remembered Dawson's eyes shining with pride and joy as he patted his shoulder. 'See, I told you. You can achieve everything!'

Even his parents acknowledged him since then. Dawson and Pacey now often studied at Pacey's house too and so came, that Dawson dated Gretchen. And even if Pacey found the sister-best friend-constellation weird to say the least, he was just glad that his life was smooth and straight for the first time in his life.

They graduated senior year Dawson first and Pacey second of the year and now they were here. Pacey had been granted scholarship. The both of them were about to study medicine.

Drue went to college in New York, Christy and Henry studied journalism in Boston and Andie went to Paris for some time off, after it turned out she couldn't tie on her performance at school after her break down in sophomore year. Pacey went sailing a few weeks this summer all by his own. He needed some alone time to let it all sink in. And he had to admit, beautiful girls were to be found in every city. But the main reason he went alone, was because Dawson and Gretchen were off for a romantic road trip of their own. The group of friends agreed to meet up again for Thanksgiving in Capeside, if nothing would come in the way.

* * *

As Pacey was done unpacking he slumped down on his bed and let his eyes wonder around the room. 'Man, Dawson, I still can't believe we're really here.'

'Believe it Pace.' Dawson sat beside him. 'You did it! And I'm so, so proud of you. I mean, look at you!' And he did. Pacey stood and stepped in front of the mirror. His skin sun tained, his chest muscular from spending the last few weeks on the open sea and from doings lots of sports to get his head clear after studying. A little beard on his chin made him look even more masculine, his short hair suited him well too. He looked nothing like the guy he once was. He had grown up in the best possible way. He had managed to end up here, with his best friend by his side and it felt just so damn good. It felt right and … Brilcredious!

'Damn right, Pacey!' Dawson stepped beside him and squeezed his friends shoulder. 'Believe it, because this is reality. This is your life now and you won't screw it.'

'Thanks man!' Pacey turned and looked at Dawson. 'I wouldn't be here, if it wasn't for you, really. Thank you for having faith in me.'

'Nothing to thank me for, Pace. I did nothing, you wouldn't have done for me for the matter of fact.'

'Damn right you are.' Pacey smiled. 'And now, let's go have a shower and get dressed, there are girls to be charmed.' He put of his shirt and disappeared into the bathroom.

Dawson laughed. 'I think, some things might never change...'

Pacey plonked his head out of the bathroom door. 'Me charming girls?' Pacey winked at his friend. 'Yeah, this will never change I guess, nor would I like it to.' With this he pulled the door close and stepped under the warm water jet. Oh, but he liked it here already. Yeah, it would be a whole lot of work and studying, but there would be time for girls as well and for fun. Ahh, and the girls he'd seen as they arrived earlier promised some great adventures.

'Pacey.. Pacey are you done in there?' Dawson knocked on the door a few minutes later and Pacey got out of the shower, tied a towel around his waist and opened the door soaking wet and dripping water all over the bathroom floor. 'Shower is set and ready for you man.'

Dawson just chuckled at his friend. 'Man, Pacey. You are just the clown you've always been.'

'Maybe.' Pacey grinned impishly. 'But a high achieving one, for the matter of fact. And you like me nonetheless.' He winked and began to dry himself while Dawson stepped into the shower.

Pacey dressed in a black shirt with a wide neck opening and a pair of jeans, he matched his outfit with a pair of sneakers and looked at his picture in the mirror thoroughly satisfied. He couldn't see anything standing between him and his next adventure tonight.

* * *

A good half hour later they entered a great hall. It was hugely crowded. Music filled the room and most people were dancing. Pacey looked around the room and his eyes zoomed in on a brown haired girl, dressed in a fir green neckholder shirt, a very tight black jeans matched with brown high heels. Her shoulder long hair flowed in soft waves around her beautiful face and as she laughed at some joke the guy next to her made it took Pacey's breath away. He found himself totally stunned at her sight, he just wasn't able to get his eyes off of her. Man, she was beautiful. And he could feel his stomach made this funny whooping thing it last did by the time he met Andie. And Pacey decided, that guy beside her was far too old for her, he was handsome without question, with his pale blue shirt and bluejeans, but his short dark hair had strands of gray in it and his chinbeard too.

'Pacey?' He blinked in surprise as Dawson punched him playfully in the side while he chuckled at him. 'Are you at least listening?'

'What?' Pacey forced his eyes off that girl and back to his friend. 'Woah, there… Honestly?' Pacey grinned sheepish. 'No, I was not listening, sorry D man. But look at _that girl_!' And he accentuated the word 'girl'. 'God, she's breathtaking!'

Dawson let his eyes wander through the room, catching none specific girl but he nodded nonetheless, knowing that a discussion would be senseless either way. 'Well, Pace, I'm sure she is. But what about some drink?'

Pacey looked back but couldn't find her anymore and so he nodded his agreement, trying to hide his disappointment over losing her in the crowd. 'Well good than, lets go get something to drink!'

They ordered each a beer and watched the people dance and flirt. Pacey leaned against the counter casually, his back against the bar, one elbow there as well. He held his beer in one hand and bantered with Dawson as per usual. His eyes wandered through the room and every now and then he would get a glimpse of her, but she was followed around by this elderly man. Oh, but beside of that, he could get accustomed with life at dorms. There were quite a few very stunning girls and life just felt so carefree and featherlight. Just as he saw her again, suddenly a blond girl stumbled into Pacey.

'Hey there, sweetheart.' He grinned as he catched her gentleman-like and giving her his warmest smile, causing Dawson to chuckle. 'Everything okay there lady?'

'Yeah, yeah, everything's just peachy boys.' She laughed with sparkling blue eyes. She giggled, clearly with a little too much alcohol in her blood. 'I just wanted to order one more drink.' She cleared her throat only to burst into laughter again and Pacey raised a suspicious brow.

'Yeah, I'm sure you wanted to.' He turned to Eddie the bartender, a handsome brown haired guy. 'Hey, Ed. One glass of water for...' He turned to the girl. 'What's the name?'

'Jen, but...' She held a hand up in protest but Pacey turned his attention back to Eddie.

'For sweet innocent, clearly drunk, Jen here.'

Eddie nodded and handed him the water instantly. 'Here you go man.'

'Let's get you seated here.' Pacey stepped aside and sat her onto a bar stool.

'But I didn't want a water, I wanted...' She looked at Pacey with a clearly drunken gaze and the most enchanting pout Pacey had ever seen. But he just grinned at her.

'Yeah, I'm pretty sure you wanted something with more alcohol, than this blissful water provides, but let me assure you, Jen, this is the best choice for you right now.' He looked her deep in the eyes and found her pouting even more defiant. 'And what do you know about good and bad choices Mr. Blue Eyes?'

Her stubbornness made him laugh, he already liked her, she was some kind of kindred spirit. He patted her shoulder friendly. 'I know enough about attending class with a hangover to know you don't want this on your first day in Harvard in the morning.' He charmed and Dawson laughed at his friend's ability to sell water for wine.

'Well… good point!' Jen nodded while sipping clearly annoyed on her water. 'So what brings such a painfully chilly, funny and charming guy like yourself to a stoic place like this?'

'My best friend here, for the matter of fact.' He smiled a warm smile at Dawson, who blushed. 'The name's Pacey by the way.'

'And what kind of a name is Pacey?' She asked, causing Dawson to laugh even harder.

'Well, I like you already. Name's Dawson.' He said, grinning at the girl.

'Okay, now I get the feeling you guys are joking with me. Dawson and Pacey? Are you serious?' She looked from one of them to the other and back, Pacey was laughing out loud at the somewhat hurt expression on his friends face. 'And why the hell did I give you two my actual name?'

'Because we did too?' Dawson offered and Jen shrugged.

'Well than. Maybe I will just call you...' She pointed at Dawson: 'Colby and you….' She took a moment to think it over. 'Petey.' She stated pleased, causing Pacey to laugh and Dawson to frown. 'What are the two of you about to study here?'

'Medicine.' They said in one go, causing both of them to grin.

'Wow, don't do this, guy's. It messes with my head.' Jen frowned and held one hand on her forehead, while making a face like she got the worst kind of headache.

'But studying medicine at Harvard is nothing this extraordinary...' Dawson defended and Jen burst into laughter, clearly less drunk than she had appeared to be.

'Not studying med, but saying things at the same time. It's just….' She gave a dismissive wave. '...kind of weird.'

Pacey grinned. 'We'll try, but it's kind of hard, given that we grew up together.' He gave Dawson a friendly punch in the side only to return his whole attention back at this funny blond girl. 'So, what about you? What are you about to study?'

'Medicine.' She said, grinning. 'like my father and his father and so forth. Given there is no unfortunate son I get the honour.' She shrugged and grinned. 'But after meeting Colby and Petey, it seems not as bad a choice as it had as I arrived here this morning...'

Pacey was about to call her on it, as his eyes catched a glimpse of brown hair passing him by, alone this time.

'Excuse me guys, I'll be back in a minute...' With this he left.

He followed her just to find she disappeared in the ladies room. 'Crap!' He cursed, but decided just to wait for her outside. He put his hands in his pockets and waited a moment.

As she reappeared he stepped in her way.

'Hi...' He smiled at her and she raised a suspicious brow.

'Can I help you with something?' She asked with the most tuneful voice and the sweetest frown Pacey had ever seen. And he found himself staring at her until he realized that she waited for him to answer.

'Well… As a matter of fact...' He cleared his throat. ' _I_ wanted to help _you_?'

' _You_?' She grinned lopsided while raising a brow at him and it made his heart skip a beat. '...wanted to help _me_? And with what? Easing my libido?' She asked bluntly, making him flush and he couldn't deny she was exactly the kind of girl he'd searched for.

'Quenching your desire I would most gratefully do, but...' His voice was croaky and he rushed the words.

'But now you've just realized, that the floor wouldn't be as comfortable as you thought it would be and the wall isn't what you thought of either?' She teased him, clearly making fun of him and he found himself speechless for the first time in his life. What was it about her bluntness?

'Actually, I was referring to the eldery man that followed you around all night...' Pacey managed to say as he felt his arousal rising. Man he would love to lay this girl. And the wall didn't sound like the worst idea, if she was to ask him.

'The eldery man…?' She asked with a smirk in her voice.

'Yeah, he is clearly to old for you, and...'

She nodded. 'If you say so.' She smiled impishly and walked past him. 'You clearly know best.' He followed her outside, wanted to respond something, made her stay with the charme that usually came so naturally to him, but she was gone.

'Fuck!' He cursed feeling defeated. Never before had a woman made him lose this badly, but frankly, it made her even more appealing.

A moment later he saw her passing Dawson and Jen. She stopped and said something before disappearing into the crowd.

Pacey blushed and straightened his shirt, before joining Dawson and Jen at the bar once more, grabbing his beer and drank a few deep gulps. Than he felt Dawson's eyes on him and 'I wouldn't have given you credit for this...' Jen gave a respectful whistle.

Pacey looked at Dawson who raised a brow. 'Pacey man, that was a quick one...'

Pacey didn't know what to respond, as he saw the girl once more through the people. It was as if his eyes naturally zoomed in on her. She stood again with this man, but as if she felt his eyes on her, she turned her head so she could look over her shoulder to meet his eyes. Her hair framed her beautiful face just perfect as she smiled and winked at him before she turned back to the conversation she had. Pacey chuckled deeply and looked back at Dawson.

'Well, a man has to do what a man has to do...'

'Clearly.' Jen laughed and the three of them got back to bicker and banter the night away.

* * *

The next day they sat in class. It was burning hot outside and way into evening. Pacey had the feeling his head was about to burst with all the information they had got so far, but there was this last class before he could finally call it a day. Not that he would, because he had to go to the library and fetch some books and study, because he was pretty sure, would he not begin to study today, he would fall behind faster than he could say it.

The whole thing was a lot more fun with Dawson and Jen and the three of them made a rather good team. They connected hugely the night before, but even more so over the day they'd spent sharing classes. And Jen keeping up her nicknames for the guy's made it feel like they knew each other since high school.

Now they waited for the professor. In the plan he was referred to as the "luminary in the field of oncology R&D", had a doctor title, published at least three revolutionary and highly important medicine textbooks in his field of work and was senior physician at the Massachusetts General Hospital, where he teached the Harvard students as well.

And then the door opened and Pacey starred for a moment, before sinking deeper into his chair as if to disappear behind his desk.

Entering the room was she, the girl he hit on yesterday night. She wore a formal black dress, high heels and glasses (Which made her even more appealing), her hair was held in a straight updo. God, but she would be the death of him.

'Isn't that the girl...' Jen hissed but Pacey shushed her with a single gaze and Dawson chuckled.

'He had something with our english teacher in junior year.' Dawson hissed in Jen's ear. 'He's got a thing for elderly woman, or so it seems...' Dawson grinned, Pacey blushed and Jen began to giggle as she looked between their professor, Pacey and Dawson back and forth.

'Ladies and gentlemen.' Her voice cut the mutters out. 'If you're finished whispering, I like to introduce myself. The name is Professor Josephine Potter. And before anyone asks, I'm born in 1974, so everybody do a quick math.' She turned to write her name on the whiteboard. Pacey did and raised a brow. '29… man, she's an overachiever!' He whispered, causing Jen to giggle and Dawson to shush her down as the professor turned back to class.

'I am, as you've surely read, head phyiscian in our university teaching hospital. So each of you who choose to study in this class, will have to deal with me there sooner or later. I did lots of research in the fields of pain thearpy, but my main field of work is onkology. As you might have heard, or not for the matter of fact, I am one of the most demanding professors here. I won't tolerate anything besides your full attention. I'm aware, that it's six-thirty in the evening, but honestly, if you want to be good in this job, this won't be the latest you'll have to work.' She looked around, her eyes caught Pacey's and he could have sworn he saw a shine go thruogh them but it was gone as fast as it came, if it had been there at all. 'And a surgery has to be done with the same attention and accuracy wether it's at eight in the morning, at five in the evening or in the middle of the night. And it dosen't matter if you're up for two or twentyfour hours, if you slept well or if it had been late the night before. There will be lifes in your hands, ladies and gentlemen, and I recomment you listen carefully and study with the most devoted seriousness right from the start.' She smiled lopsided and took a deep breath. 'Now, that is settled, let's get started.' She paused. 'And we'll attatch the lost time at the end, naturally.' She switched on her laptop and began full ninety minutes of the most compact lessons they had the whole day. As she was finished she looked over her exausted students. 'I'm sure, those of you I see next time will stick with me for the rest of the semester, those of you who want to drop this class, please make an appointment with the office.' She waited a moment. 'Oh, and before I forget. If you like to collect extra points, I have an intresting article here, I'd like your professional point of view on it until next week. With refrences and your own well-grounded opinion.' She placed a bundle of papers on her desk. 'See you all next week or on thursday, if anyone of you is interested in my work. There'll be lecture of my latest research.'

With this she left the room and the papers on the desk.

Dawson looked at Pacey who watched the woman leave, absolutely stunned by her.

'Well, Pacey, you got yourself some big fish there, now haven't you?'

Pacey couldn't answer. He stared at the slowly closing door. Cursing silently under his breath, while he walked downstairs, grabbing three papers and handed each of his friends one of them..

'Let's go guy's, fetch us some books.' He winked and was out of the room in a heart beat.

Jen shot Dawson an unbelieving look. 'Has he always been like this?'

Dawson laid his arm around her shoulder, leading her out of the classroom. 'No Jen, he was the underdog himself, used to spent more time skipping classes than actually attending them.'

'And what made him change into this…. this….'

Dawson tousled her hair in a friendly manner. 'A broken heart.' He shrugged. 'And me, I guess…' He winked. 'Didn't want to go to college without him, wouldn't be half as much fun.'

She beamed at him and leaned her head against his shoulder. 'Damn right you are, Colby.'

 **Want more?**


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey there,_

 _First of all: Sorry it took me so awful long to update. I'm working my way thruogh the worst writers block in history. (Caused maybe by the fact I have another storyidea hunting me down) So please please please let me know what you think. I just desparetly need a little support right now. I'm not quite sure about this (fairly long) chapter, so please let me know what you think._

 _Thanks for all the reviews so far. They really make me smile every time I get one._

 _Yana_

 **The Lead**

 _\- Chapter Two -_

'Jeez Pacey! Would you please turn off the lights already?' Dawson's sleepy voice sounded gruff as he pulled his duvet over his head with an angry groan. Clearly pissed off by his still working friend.

'I just need a little more time.' Pacey stifled a yawn with the back of his hand. He was exhausted as hell but he just _had_ to get through with this and Dawson groaned yet again.

'This is what you've said an hour ago. And an hour before that.' Dawson pushed himself into a sitting position, leaned his back onto the head end of the bed, starring at his friend with an exhausted expression all over his face.

Pacey sat on the desk, the desk lamp lit his workspace. He had at least five open books laying on top of the table and one on his lap. His lecture notes were spread over the far end of the desktop and he held a yellow highlighter between his teeth, while thumping through the book on his lap. His laptop sat between all of it. Dawson watched Pacey, with growing concern but couldn't fight the flinch of amusement that stole into his anger, as he thought about the Pacey back in sophomore year.

Pacey's eyes continued to switch from this book to that, he made handwritten notices on papers in different colors, placed bookmarks in the books and changed the book on his lap from time to time, seemingly unaware of his friend watching him and clearly not ready to let go of his work anytime soon. Dawson looked at his bedside watch and closed his eyes defeated. It was three in the morning already and the first lecture would start at eight.

'What are you doing there anyway, man? This is only our third day and you're studying like there were exams to be done.'

'Hmm...' Pacey stated dismissively and Dawson stood, scuffled through the room and gave a disbelieving laugh as he saw what Pacey was doing.

'Really, man? The Potter-Paper? It's Thursday - well it will be after I finally got some sleep.' Dawson slumbered on Pacey's bed, barely able to held his eyes open. 'This thing is due on _Monday_! You can turn off the lights and get some sleep, man, and so could I!'

Pacey turned and faced his friend. Secretly feeling a little guilty for disturbing his sleep, but he had to finish this. It was like an obsession ever since he held the paper in his hands he used every available second to work on it. But what he was doing right now, wasn't even about the paper in general... 'But today is the lecture and…' Pacey looked into Dawson's eyes, sure his friend wouldn't understand, even if he tried to explain.

Dawson raised an asking brow, his head laying on Pacey's fluffy pillow and the sirring sound from the laptops ventilation slowly luring him back to sleep. But he forced his eyes open, looking like he was about to fall asleep instantly. 'So what about it, Pace-man?' He lulled sleepy as he tugged Pacey's cover over his body.

'I just want to make this really, really good, Dawson. This is exactly the field I want to specialize in and if I screw it now, maybe I won't get another chance...' _And she's fucking hot man, can't you see it!_ Pacey wanted to tell him, wanted to yell it at him but instead he wiped his hand over his forehead and sighed. _Man, is she hot!_

'This is for extra points, for fucks sake Pacey.' Dawson stated. 'This isn't about screwing or not, now is it Pacey? It's only just the first opportunity.' Dawson looked at his friend, who looked back with the most guilty eyes and then Dawson's eyes widened in sudden clarity. 'Oh wait there, man! Is this about this paper at all, or is this about the girl?'

'Professor.' Pacey stated in a low voice and Dawson knew he hit the black.

'You can't be serious here, Pacey.' His voice stumbled over itself and pitched at the end. He just couldn't believe it.

'Yeah, whatever you say, D.' Pacey nodded, suddenly feeling utterly defeated with sleep deprivation. 'Maybe you're right and a good night's sleep will do me good.' With this he switched the lights off and closed his notebook after he pressed the save-button. Friendly and with a little smile that Dawson could not see because of he darkness that suddenly flooded the room like a homely blanked he patted his friends shoulder. 'I just go do my teeth and have a pee. There will be plenty of study time in the 'morrow.'

Dawson gave an approving sound and as Pacey exited the bathroom only five minuted later, he'd fallen asleep on Pacey's bed.

Pacey grinned, switched the desk light back on, slumped back on his chair on the desk, opened the notebook back up, grabbed the book he had abandoned earlier and continued his work.

* * *

The next day he attended the lecture with Dawson. They saved a seat for Jen, who came only a minute before the lecture was about to start and handed them each a strong coffee as per usual. Pacey nodded his thanks, but placed the coffee under his chair instead of drinking it while it was hot. Dawson leaned over to Jen whispering something that made her laugh, but Pacey really wasn't interested. The moment Dawson stopped whispering the Professor entered the room.

Pacey couldn't deny what effect she had on him, but as she started her lecture it was unimportant, because she was brilliant in what she did. She managed to tie all of their attention to her. What she said was real good and Pacey found himself stunned by her and not only for her beauty, but for her mind. The room was well filled, mostly with students of higher semesters.

After she finished, she invited all of them to stay and ask questions or debate some of the results of her work.

Dawson and Jen stood, clearly very exhausted. 'Come on now Petey, let's get some of the evening sun and maybe grab an ice cream or something like it. I have to get some fresh air and sunshine.' Jen plead with him with her ridiculously big blue eyes.

'Yeah, come on Pace. There will be plenty of time to spent inside those walls. Come on outside. The world is beautiful, I promise.' Dawson winked but Pacey just shook his head.

'Sorry guy's, I will stay. But I promise I will be there afterwards and maybe we go to a bar and have a pizza or something.'

'Yeah, sounds great.' Dawson nodded and Jen linked her arm with his.

'Alas, my friend. Leave this one for the dusty air and we'll go fetch ourselves some daylight. Bye honey-pie.' Jen tousled his hair and sighed. 'I love you.'

'I know. Grab a scoop of chocolate-ice for me, sweetheart.' He grinned and let out a relieved sigh as they were finally gone.

As only those of them, that wanted to attend the debate were left, they gathered in a half circle in the front and the students got to ask their questions. Every now and than, the professor would stand and drew something on the white-board to make a point more clear or fetch a book to explain this or that more understandable.

One after one they left the room. The last one staying was Pacey who asked a last question, because something she said wouldn't fit with what he read the day before and they discussed his point until he was pleased with the result.

Pacey was the last to stay, afer everyone had long left.

'Well, I have to say, for a freshmen, you are quite into it already.' She said, while packing her things back into her bag.

'Well, it's what I want to do after I finished.' He was nervous by now and didn't even exactly know why. Well, he knew she made him nervous, but he hadn't been over the course of the debate.

'It's great to know where you want to go. When you only just started pre-med. It gives you plenty of time to study the right things instead of lingering around and choose last minute. But I'll have to warn you, this is not the easiest field. It's in fact one of the most devastating ones.' Her eyes clouded over, but before Pacey could say something about it, she took a breath. 'I think, I didn't get your name Sunday night...'

'Pacey.' He grinned, relieved that she didn't seem to be mad at him and realizing suddenly that this was, what made him nervous as they were alone. 'Pacey Witter.'

She nodded and a quick frown flew over her face. 'Pleased to meet you, Mister Witter.' Pacey could have sworn there was a slightly amused smile in her eyes but only for a second. He wondered what had caused it. 'I guess, we'll see more of each other now. I'm glad you're studying my field.' She smiled at him, almost girlish and he couldn't help but grin.

'Me too, Miss Potter.'

'So, now I have to go. I'm due at the hospital. See you on Thursday, I guess.' She gave him yet another smile and he returned it. Pacey stood there a while, alone in the room and thought about her. Man, if she wasn't his Professor, he would chase after her, but as things were, she would most likely stay a fantasy in his head.

* * *

And so they studied along. Jen and Dawson abandoned the Potter-lecture rather sooner than later, Jen took interest in paediatrics. Dawson switched lectures like underpants or so it seemed, never quite convinced, it was what he wanted. Pacey studied with the utmost seriousness and found it surprisingly easy-going, though it required a lot of hard work obviously. Sure, he studied all day and most nights, but it didn't bother him at all. He loved it and the fact, that it earned him the respect from most of his professors only kept him going even more fierce. And, eventually, he never missed a chance for extra points and attention from Miss Potter. And even though he never missed a good adventure, Dawson and Jen would tease him about his obvious attraction for his professor and he had long forgone denying it. She hunted him in his dreams and sometimes, when he slept with a girl and he closed his eyes, he would see her and it drove him mad, resulting in him studying even harder.

Despite all the time, Pacey spent with his nose deep in books, the three of them had lots of fun in their study-free time. They often spent their evenings in a little bar named Gold, which is where they met Emma and Audrey, both members at Hells Belles and lots of fun hanging around with. Pacey had spent a few times out with Audrey, with whom he still shared a friends-with-benefits agreement, but his fantasy was filled with a certain brunette, hunting him, chasing him through the nights and most days. She drove him crazy and he just couldn't do anything about it. So he adored her from afar and used what he could get to lessen his desire.

* * *

 _Around the end of the first year_

Pacey sat at his desk, studying for his last exam. He looked up from his book and out of the window. It was a beautiful summers day. The sun was shining, yet a soft breeze played with the leaves. The air was filled with laughter and music. He was looking forward to a wonderful summer on his girl out in the open sea. Nothing but the open water and the wind and the sun. He just craved for the utter freedom and peace it would provide. Dawson would spent the summer in New York with Gretchen. They made plans for their time together over the last few month. Dawson just couldn't wait to see her again. Jen would sail a few weeks with him, but would spent most of the time in New York with her parents and grandparents. Pacey would sail down the coast and spent the last two weeks of the summer break at Capeside. He had barely made it home at all this last year, so he felt like he owed his parents a visit.

He took a deep breath and forced his attention back to his book. It was just than, that Dawson stormed in, slammed the door 'Fuck!', he cursed and threw his bag on the flood. 'Damn it...' he whispered as he slumped down on his bed and let himself fall backwards on his mattress. He covered his face with his hands and just stayed there in absolute silence.

Pacey watched his friend and tried to swallow the sudden concern that bubbled up in him. He laid his book aside. 'D, man?' He asked softly and as Dawson didn't answer him Pacey stood and walked towards his bed. He crouched down beside his friends bed and tilted his head. 'Dawson?'

'Fuck off, Pacey.' Dawson whispered and it was only than, Pacey realized, that he was crying. Silent, helpless tears slowly falling down his friends cheeks. Last time Pacey saw Dawson cry, was when his father died in that senseless car accident a year and a half ago.

'What's up man?' Pacey asked in a soft voice, laying a supportive hand on his friends arm. 'Come on, tell me. We work it out! Like we always had. Together.'

'Oh yeah?' Dawson pulled up into a half sitting position. His voice thick with sarcasm, his eyes firing angry arrows at his friend. 'So, how come you have no clue? Oh right! Because you have been to busy turning 'round and 'round and 'round yourself lately, sorry I forgot.'

Pacey was about to protest, he opened his mouth but the words died on his tongue as he realized, that Dawson was maybe right. That he hadn't the slightest clue and it was because he was so busy studying, attending classes and getting papers done, joining projects, earning extra points... that he hadn't been out with his friends for at least the last month or so. Honestly, he couldn't remember when he last spoke with Dawson, or Jen for the matter of fact, about something _not_ related to classes or college in general. It earned him a lot, but clearly at a high cost.

Pacey ran a hand through his black hair and sat on Dawson's bedside.

'Yeah man, you're right. I was a really lousy friend lately, wasn't I?' He looked at his friend, who wiped over his face to erase the tears. Dawson nodded.

'Yeah, Pacey. You have been. But it doesn't matter anyway.'

'So would you please tell me for fucks sake?' Pacey felt his impatience and frustration growing.

'First of all, your sister dumped me, but that was about six weeks ago, so this can obviously not be the matter today.' Dawson looked at Pacey as he stared at him dumbfounded and utterly taken by surprise. Gretchen dumped Dawson and he didn't have the first clue about it. And it was right in that very moment that he knew, without doubt, he screwed it this time. He had been so busy getting ready for his exams, that he lost all his interest in his friend's life. Even Jen had accused him lately of not being the same funny guy she met back at their first day. And he had to admit, of all the things he thought he would be, he had never thought he'd became this. A lousy friend, a boring guy with his nose in dusty books rather than in the open air, someone whose friends came in second best. It was something he used to accuse Andie of, when she drowned in studying at high school and didn't seem to see anything or anyone beyond her own nose. He hadn't thought in his wildest dreams that it would someday be him in her shoes. This wasn't who he wanted to be and had someone told him it would someday be, what it had now become, he would have laughed wholeheartedly at him.

'I'm sorry Dawson. I really, really am sorry... I just got carried away.' He stood and offered Dawson a hand. 'Come on now, we go get a beer at Gold and you tell me what bothers you. And about Gretch. And I promise I will listen carefully and be your best friend again. Deal?'

'You sure you want to get out for a beer with the Potter-exam tomorrow morning?'

Pacey shrugged. 'I don't think she could ask anything I wouldn't be able to answer even if I had to take the exam with the worst of hangovers and attend with one hour of bad nights sleep.' He winked at his friend and a cautious smile stole itself on Dawson's lips. 'Seriously D. Fuck the exam. Lets have a beer or five and talk, have some fun. It's been too fucking long.'

Dawson nodded with a surprised look on his face. 'Are you sure about it, Pace. I won't be the cause of you screwing the exam...'

'Well Dawson. Better don't ask twice. Come on now, will ya?' Pacey asked and Dawson grinned, nodded and took Paceys hand. 'Well than, lead the way.'

* * *

 _At Gold_

As they sat over their third beer, Pacey knew that he had indeed missed out badly. Gretchen dropped Dawson after she cheated on him, drunken with some random guy and got pregnant on the backseat of a car. She chose to abort. And now she felt, she couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. Dawson tried to convince her, he loved her nonetheless and would fly in if she needed him. He offered her to have the Baby and help her through it, even though it wasn't his, but Gretchen wouldn't have any of it. And, as if it wasn't enuogh already, he just learned he was about to flung out of college. It wasn't totally unexpected, because really, Dawson just wasn't into it like he used to be. He somehow seemed out of place. As if he would like nothing more than study anything else. He hadn't found a field of interest by now and found every excuse to not attend classes. The only time Pacey had seen Dawson into something was a few month ago as he worked on a film project, they used for commercial. Pacey somehow felt this was what Dawson really wanted to do - direct films. He had attended film classes in high school though and had made a few short films during it, they had been quite good. But Dawson was afraid to live in the shadow of his father if he would step into his footsteps. The college nonetheless decided, if he would apply for an additional semester and with Pacey's help there shouldn't be a problem in getting Dawson back on track.

The fact, that Gretchen dropped Dawson, resulted in Pacey inviting him on his boat for a summer trip much like the last one they took and Dawson's whole face lit up in the promise of a summer with Pacey and Jen, at least for a few weeks, on that homely little boat. They would bring some of Paceys notes, so Dawson could study a bit, but most importantly, they would spent time together, they would swim in the open sea, do fishing and after Jen had left, it would be like old times.

'Well, Pacey, that sounds exactly like what I need right now.' Dawson said with a deep sigh.

'I now!' Pacey smiled and patted him on the shoulder. 'Let's leave the day after tomo...' the words came slowly in the end as his eyes caught a glimpse of someone he knew entering the bar. 'Please say I don't see what I think I am, Dawson, because I fear I might loose my footing here if this is real.'

Dawson knew the moment he turned around what Pacey saw and began to laugh the first sincere laugh Pacey heard from him in the last hours.

'Hush now D man!' Pacey tried to shush his friend but the person heard it and came over to them.

'Wow Pacey! Life in Harvard suits you well, little brother!' Doug looked him over in approval and pulled him in for a warm brotherly hug.

'Well, Dougy, I hadn't expected you here...' Pacey's eyes flickered to the two people that had entered the bar alongside Doug.

'Oh, but you would have, had you answered the phone or at least get the messages I left you.' Doug winked at him. 'But I understand, you're deep in your studies.' He looked pointedly at the empty glasses on the table and patted Pacey's shoulder. 'I'm here to meet an old friend's sister actually. She wanted to introduce me to someone... You know...' He cleared his throat as he motioned towards the guy and the girl standing at the bar.

'Oh, wow Dougy!' Pacey grinned at his brother. 'So you're finally out of the closet?'

'Apparently so.' He nodded and Pacey patted his brothers back in return.

'What's Dad to say to that?'

'Oh, nothing really.' Doug smiled sheepishly. 'Because he don't know yet.'

Pacey grinned. 'I see.'

'So, come on over, let me introduce you to...'

'No, Doug, really. We... we _really_ have to go. We have some studying to do for tomorrow's exa...'

'Well here we go, guys. Two more beers for the two of you.' The serving girl singsonged and smiled, while she winked flirtatious at Pacey and he just wished he could just disappear. Dawson grinned and so did Doug.

'I know this kind of studying, little brother.' He patted him on the shoulder. 'No excuses. Remember, you were after all the first one, calling me on the closet I didn't even knew I sat in. So come on, let me introduce you.' He looked at Dawson. 'You too.'

Pacey let out a defeated breath and stood. 'Come on, D. Let's get it over with.' Dawson chuckled and laid a hand on his friends shoulder, who threw a nervous look at the girl who was with Doug and his quasi-date. 'It won't hurt, I promise.' Dawson appareantly couldn't stop chuckling.

'Don't make fun of me, Dawson.'

'Wouldn't miss a chance...' Dawson responded, clearly better now that he had been.

'So, back again.' Doug beamed at the elderly guy, Pacey saw his professor following around the first night. 'This is Pacey, my little brother and his all time best friend Dawson Leery. His father had directed The Creek, before he died last year.'

'My condolences. I heard about it, a terrible car accident, was it?' the guy asked. 'But a really talented director. I heard he was about to co-direct some Lost World sequal with Steven Spielberg himself...' Dawson nodded. Clearly not in the mood to talk about his father. 'Well, I'm Jack McPhee, principal of the pre-med and med faculty at Harvard. I understand we met.'

Pacey cleared his throat and Dawson chuckled.

'Mister McPhee, pleasure to meet you.' Pacey offered the guy his hand, wondering if he was somehow related to Andie and deeply embarrassed as he suddenly remembered his first conversation with Miss Potter.

'And this is Joey. She is the little sister of an old schoolmate of mine.' The girl turned with a big smile, made Paceys heart skip a beat or two, he flushed and stared, unable to say anything. Dawson was about to burst with laughter but she just winked at him with her special lopsided smile.

'I knew I heard the name Witter somewhere before.' She winked at Doug, clearly not only knowing since now who he was and smiled sunny.

'She was in school with Gretchen before her family moved here fifteen years ago.' Pacey stared at his brother and his eyes fliched toward his professor. This just couldn't be true...

'So you're Doug's little brother. Man, I last saw you as a little three-years old.' She grinned, clearly amused with his speechlessness, as she offered him her hand. 'You know, Dougy.' She said with a warm smile as he took Pacey's hand but looking right into his eyes. The spot where her skin touched his, seemed to burn, the little touch making his heart beat faster and his stomack taking somersaults and her looking into his eyes the way she did, with an unknown sparkle in her eyes made him shiver and her voice, deep and sensual almost drove him mad. He forgot to breathe and without noticing it, he got lost in her eyes. ' _Mister_ Pacey Witter here is my most promising student at the moment.' The magic was broken, as she let go of his hand and her eyes flickered with a sparkle between the brothers back and forth. Pacey took a deep breath and looked around, totally unsure of what to say or where to look. 'And between you and me...' She leaned over and whispered something into Doug's ear, which made him laugh.

'Yeah, Jo. I can imagine _that_.' He leaned over and whispered something back. Made Pacey's heart burst with jealousy over the obvious ease and familiarity between the two of them. And he made a mental note to call Doug on it. To get everything he knew about her out of him.

Joey turned to the boys. 'So, why don't the two of you join us for a beer?'

 _Please press the review-button and leave me your opinion :-)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello everyone,_

 _so, this is a long one. Your reviews kept me motivated, so please please review. Let me know what you think good or bad, if something got you, if there was something missing or the other way 'round. Please give me some feedback. I need it._

 _This story is all made out in my head but I have a real hard time to actually write it. So please review._

 _Yana_

 **The Lead**

\- Chapter Three -

After a blissfully peaceful summer, Pacey and Dawson laid anchor in Capeside. After many hours of studying and endless talks, Dawson had decided to drop out of med and instead found the courage to turn towards film school, convined his father had wanted him to explore his creative self. He sent his projects to a film school in Boston and they'd excepted him.

'So, this is it. The end of the summer.' Pacey smiled a little sad at Dawson as they left the boat and stood on the dock.

'Yeah, I guess it is.' Pacey ran his hand almost endearingly across the wood of his boat and his eyes wonderes lovingly over the whole of it. 'I could probably spent my whole life sailing. It's just the most peaceful place in the world. And… I don't know. It all seems so carefree out there.'

Dawson patted him on the shoulder with an empathetic smile.

'Well, the bright side might be, you get to see _her_ again.' Pacey looked down and Dawson chuckled at the slightest hint of red staining his friends cheeks. They had forgone saying her name out loud, but she had lingered over them like a cloud. And no matter what they had been up to, Pacey would always seem a little sad, a little distracted. Even flirting hasn't gone like it used to.

'It wouldn't be so hard if she wasn't there, D. This is pure torture. I don't know. I just…. I crave to be near her. But she just doesn't see me like this. It's like I would do almost everything that she had to notice me in that particular way and she just has near to no interest in me. I'm so much younger, I'm a student for fucks sake and she….?' he turned and looked longingly back to the open water and the wide horizon. 'God.'

'Well Pacey. I guess you'll just have to figure something out. You'd never been one to let a good opportunity slip through your fingers.' Dawson grinned, remembering countless conversations going like this one over the course of the summer. Pacey had not taken advantage of even one opportunity with a girl this whole trip. But had instead claimed, that it wouldn't work help anyway. It seemed all of him was bound to that particular brunette. Pacey sighed deeply and shrugged.

'I wish you're right, D. I wish you would come back to Harvard with me. I know it hadn't been easy for you there and all that. I know, I have been the worst friend ever. I just… I wished it had worked out different.'

'Yeah, me too, Pace. But as thing are. I will be in Boston, which is not _that_ far away from where you are. And there will still be a spare bed in your dorm room.' Dawson winked and Pacey nodded.

'See you, I guess. Thanks for a wonderful summer, Dawson.' He hugged his friend in a brotherly embrace and Dawson patted his back.

'Thanks to you too. See you Pace.'

'Yeah, see you Dawson.'

The two of them each headed in different directions.

* * *

Later in the evening as his parents had gone to bed, Pacey sat on the stairs outside sipping on his cold beer and staring out onto the creek. The fact, that he had to go back to college in a few days lightened his mood on the one side. He looked forward to seeing Jen again. And he just enjoyed studying so much, he missed attending classes and his head bursting with information, the smell of the library and the taste of college coffee. But the thing was, he had to face her again and he wasn't sure how it would work out. All he knew was, that she had been there the whole summer long. In his head and in his heart. And the fact alone had caused him to reject every opportunity. No woman worked for him, because every time he closed his eyes it was she he saw. Always and always - Joey.

He buried his head in his hand and sighed deeply as he suddenly felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. 'Evening Pace.' Pacey smiled at the sound of his brothers voice. And it was that very moment he realized, he'd been sitting here waiting for him. 'Had a good summer?'

'Always a good summer on my girl.' Pacey said halfheartedly and his brother chuckled.

'Yeah, I guess it must be.'

Doug slumped down beside him, a beer of his own in his hand he just sat there in complete silence for a long time.

'I'll move to Somerville by next month. I got accepted as police officer there and it will give me the chance to be…' He smirked. 'You know, be near you.'

Pacey chuckled. 'You mean Jack…'

Doug smiled openly. Maybe the first real happy smile Pacey had seen on his brothers face for a really, really long time. 'That too, maybe.'

'Maybe my ass.' Pacey smiled a half smile as he watched his brother blush the slightest kind of red and he only saw it because of the streetlight shining down on them.

'So, how was your summer Pace? Honestly.' Doug asked, leaning back onto his elbows. He hadn't been there over the course of the day, because he had been on duty and had just returned a few minutes ago.

'Well… It was okay I guess.' Pacey shrugged.

'Wow, that's enthusiastic!' Doug nodded with the most serious expression on his face, his voice thick with sarcasm.

'I mean - it has been great to be out on the open sea again. It was a lot of fun, especially the first few weeks as Jen was with us. It really…. It was great.'

'But….?'

'Oh heck, there's no _but_ there Dougy.' Pacey said in his most dismissively voice but could tell, his brother wasn't buying a word he'd said. Instead he watched him with a face that told him to stop the crap and start talking.

'Ok…' Pacey let out a deep breath. 'You really wanna know? You sure you won't make fun of me, because really, it's the last thing I need right now.'

Doug just raised a brow at him. 'Listen here carefully Pacey. You haven't made fun of me, not the moment you knew you hit closer to home than was comfortable for me. From this moment on you've been nothing but helpful, discrete and encouraging. I promise, I have it in me to be as good a brother for you as you've been for me.'

Pacey turned his head to see the most serious look on Dougs face and he got all warm inside. He hadn't known that this was how Doug had felt, but he was right. Pacey had stopped mocking him the moment he'd first sensed the truth behind his fun. There was a long silence. Pacey turned back to looking at the bottle in his hands. Doug just sat there and waited with him in absolute silence until Pacey took a deep breath and then one more.

'I think… I think I've fallen for a girl. Like really, really fallen for her, Doug.' He stated with a hoarse voice. He looked at his brother from the corners of his eyes to find him watching him with the most kind and interested eyes and so he let out a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding.

'Is she beautiful?' Doug asked after a while.

'Is she beautiful?' Pacey chuckled with bittersweetness. 'Oh God Doug. She's breathtakingly beautiful. I mean... Doug! She's the kind of beautiful that gives you butterflies. Like hundreds and thousands of them. And she's intelligent, witty, sassy, inspiring…. Ah man. I can't get my mind off of her. She's always there. In everything I do. In everything I see. Even if I close my eyes I can see her so clearly, it's like I just have to reach out for her to touch her, but… Well, I guess it will just not happen.' Pacey shrugged and drank a deep gulp off his bottle.

'So, she some girl you met down the coast?'

'Nope.'

'She some college girl?'

Pacey missed two beats before saying 'No.' again.

'No?' Doug hadn't missed him hesitating and in that very moment Pacey hated the fact that his brother was such a great cop. He just didn't miss anything, even after working crazy hours in the station.

'Not in particular…'

'So…? Would she by any chance happen to be your Professor?' Doug asked in an almost amused voice and Pacey turned to look at his brother fully.

'And if she was?' Pacey asked, feeling defeated, knowing his brother would get it out of him anyway.

'Well, I could tell you, she's been going on about you all summer long.'

'Yeah well, whatever.' Pacey emptied his bottle with lukewarm beer in one go as the meaning of his brothers words slowly sank in. He swallowed with wide eyes and faced Doug who was smirking. 'She has?'

'Of course she hasn't Pace!' Doug smirked. 'But now I know it's really about _her_.' He winked and Pacey bobbed him on the shoulder.

'Well, I think you got me here, Deputy. You find me guilty as charged. I just can't stop thinking about her. I see her in every woman I meet. I keep looking out for her in the strangest places.' He paused. 'It's just… She's like no one I've ever met.'

'Well, life had taught her some bitter lessons, Pace. She's not some light hearted college girl. She's a grown woman, nearly ten years older than you, with much on her shoulders. Don't get your hopes to high little brother, but I think maybe you can get through to her.' Doug laid his arm around Pacey's shoulder and handed him his almost untouched bottle of beer, taking his empty one. 'Listen here, Pacey. You've helped me a lot more than you know with… You know, being okay with who I am. And I'm willing to do something for you. I saw her a lot this summer. She's a really, really good friend of Jacks and so… But beside that she's awfully lonely.' He paused. 'What do you say - join us occasionally, get to know her and her to get to know you. And knowing you like I do, you'll get the girl in the end.'

Pacey looked at the bottle he held loose in one hand, the other hand was pressed against his forehead.

'Tell me about her, Doug.' He begged. 'Like really tell me the story of her life. I just don't know anything about her, besides the fact she got me in a way only Andie had. So please…?' He turned to face Doug again, knowing his eyes must be fierce with begging. Doug leaned back onto his elbows and then he nodded.

'Come on, I'll show you something.'

He stood and walked through the house to the driveway and opened his van. He held open the the passengers door for him and Pacey hopped in, the bottle abandoned in the kitchen on his way though the house. He was wondering what Doug wanted to show him this late in the evening. Not asking the question out loud, he secured himself and switched the radio on whilst Doug got into the car too, turning the radio down, until the music was only a whisper in the background. He turned the lights on and turned the car around. Pacey closed his eyes for a brief moment. The sound the wheels created on the gravel of the driveway was something Pacey had loved his whole life. It was the sound of home (even though he had loathed to be at home for most his life) and more importantly of the opportunity to get away from here. And to sit beside his brother in the van was something he could do forever. Doug had been mean to him for a long time, along with everyone else of his family, but he had grown one of his dearest friends. The one he could rely on no matter what. He leaned his head onto the passengers door window and watched the landscape flew by.

* * *

They drove in comfortable silence until Doug made a hard left turn and they stood right in front of an old house. Or what remained of it. It was nearly completely fallen into a ruin. It's roof was barely there, the front porch was decayed, all the windows were broken and the front door had been kicked in, the door in the back wasn't even there anymore. The walls were about to break down with the next storm and the old dock had half fallen into the creek. The old, rowboat whose light blue color could only be anticipated, was still tied on and had half sunken into the water too. But a strange feeling of deep sadness claimed his heart as he got out of the door and took everything in. His whole body seemed to respond to this place with bittersweet melancholy. As if it triggered something. The big beautiful garden totally overgrown. Pacey felt a deep sting of something forgotten tearing his heart apart as he watched the house and the garden and wondered about it's history.

'This is where she was born. In the middle of a really bad storm, without any help.'

Pacey swallowed at the lump in his throat and wasn't so sure he really wanted to know all those things. It felt like reading a diary, or some secret letters that weren't supposed to be read by you. And the almost mystic light the of the full moon, that flooded the scene made it all the more unreal. Pacey couldn't help but remember how he felt the night he, Andie, Dawson and Drue spent on Witch Island during senior year. It felt a little spooky and much like something forbidden. A lot like it did here.

Suddenly he saw an apple tree. The ground there was cleared. He stepped closer to see fresh soil and flowers there. It took him a moment to discover a little wooden cross sat at the upper end. 'It's a grave…' He said, his voice just above a whisper as he knelt down and picked a bit of the soil up and let it ran through his fingers.

'Yeah, it is.' Doug stepped beside him. 'It's her mothers grave. They hadn't enough money to bury her in the graveyard and after their father was imprisoned, it was the only place they could think of.'

'Wow…' Pacey stared at the grave and the remaining soil in his hand, surprised by the sudden sting of tears. 'Tell me, please.'

Doug waited a moment. Than took a deep breath. 'They were always the family from "the wrong side of the creek". It's been that way since I could think. But I just adored Bessie, Joey's older sister. She was so witty and sassy and beautiful. I think she had been the only girl I ever had a crush on.' He chuckled and so did Pacey. He just never imagined his brother a high school boy, having crushes on girls like everyone else. 'Well, we were good friends, I think I was maybe her only one. She was an isolated person, much like Joey is now. Dad didn't approve it, but I used to meet her more often than not. I just loved her company and she enjoyed having me around.' He paused a moment, clearly deep in memories until he continued: 'She's the reason I was in town that night we mat in the bar by the way.'

Pacey stood and Doug took a deep breath. 'Well, I saw Joey grow up and brought you here often. You loved to play in the yard and always managed to get Joey to have a row with you. You adored her and she loved that you distracted her with your being a child. You made her laugh about jokes every kid tells and the two of you would often sit on a blanket, she tickled you or you would lay each on your backs and wondered about the pictures the fluffy clouds painted on the clear blue spring sky or she'd read books to you, while Bessie and I worked for our finals. And you would listen to her and watch her read until she'd stopped or you fell asleep with your head on her belly. She would caress you, stroke your hair in a way mother wouldn't and you loved her for her unshared and absolute affection, her loving you without wanting something in return. Without over-thinking it and regardless. You adored her and even if you were such a little child, three by the time they left. You used to ask me even month after we'd been here for the last time about her. You understood that the affection she gave you was pure and what was at home would never be as regardless.'

As Doug went on telling him about the times they'd spent at the Potter-house, the memories slowly crept back in. He remembered a pretty girls face, smiling at him in the sunshine, her hair tucked behind in a ponytail and the feeling of a rocking boat beneath him. He remembered sitting on the same girls lap, her back against an tree – an apple tree, the very same one she'd buried her mother beneath – whilst she read books with beautiful pictures in them. He remembered her voice and couldn't believe he had forgotten about her.

'They ran a family business, the Ice House. Her father worked there as chef and the whole family helped. Until one day Dad and his men found great amounts of cocaine between the flour and a dead woman in the back drive-way.' Pacey swallowed and closed his eyes. Imagining the shock it must have been. And knowing his father as he did, he could imagine the cruelness in his actions and the spitefulness that must have been clearly written all over his face. 'And even if they couldn't prove her father killed that woman, he was charged for all kinds of drug-things. Dealing, possessing et cetera. I don't have to explain this to you, you've grown up between cops.' Doug swallowed, he clearly had a hard time speaking about this. 'This was the day I decided to become a cop myself and the day the world broke down around the Potter-girls. Their father got a life charge.' He paused again and Pacey wasn't sure he wanted to know quite in every detail, he felt all sick inside.

'So, her mother sold the Ice House, took her girls and moved to Boston. Joey continued school there, Bessie got a job as waitress and her mother worked as nurse. Joey graduated high school first of her year and earned a scholarship at Harvard. One week into her college time, her mother fell weak from one moment to the next. At first they thought it was the flue but it became pretty clear, pretty fast, that it wasn't. It was in fact leukemia and it had been discovered far to late. Their mother died within three weeks after getting the diagnose. It was a shock, really. Joey wanted to drop out of college, but Bessie wouldn't have any of it, she was pregnant at this time form a one night stand with some random guy. Money was short and they were broke more often than not. Joey worked evening shifts to help her sister with everything and they couldn't afford more. So they buried her mother here, in the backyard of their old house. Joey is here occasionally. But only to change the flowers. She finished college with honors and donated her success to her mother. You know where she is now. She got herself a good job obviously. Her mothers death is the reason she chose oncology as her field of expertise.'

Pacey couldn't get his eyes off of the grave. He remembered a woman with a warm smile and the most caring arms swinging him around, making him laugh and the warm feeling that spread from deep inside of him through his whole body at this memory was something he'd forgotten too. This had been his true home, because at his house he had been ignored all his life and he was pretty sure this was the reason Doug had brought him here more often than not.

'And what happened to her sister's baby?' Pacey asked but was sure he didn't wanna know at the same time.

'She gave him up for adoption after she'd given birth to him. Knowing she wouldn't be able to support her sister during college and neither finance a baby all on her own. With her mother dead and her father in jail.'

Pacey stood a long time in the middle of the garden, looking out to the creek.

* * *

'Wow Jen, are you sure you want to go in there?' Pacey looked at his friend, standing beside him in front of a discotheque. It has been half a year since college was back on again and it had taken him quite some time to get back to his routines and the fact, that Dawson wasn't there anymore bothered him more than he was willing to admit. But they met on many occasions. Dawson was pretty happy at the film school and was really good at it too. Jen had moved into Pacey's dorm room after a creepy girl named Abby Morgan had joined her in her room. So the two of them spent a whole lot of time together and in the same way Pacey kept reminding Jen of the importance of studying, she was the one to make sure, he didn't forget about the importance of having fun. Pacey had so far rejected every opportunity to meet with Doug when he invited him over to meet Joey. Doug offered he could bring Jen but he just didn't want to. It felt kind of weird knowing that much about someone you were supposed to not know at all. Someone you were supposed to get to know on their own terms and he just felt like he had a head start onto something he wasn't supposed to.

Sure, he was as eager into his studies and the Potter-class was his favorite as it has been. She had offered him an exceptional internship during spring-break, because his grades were obviously way out of scale. He begged for time to think it over and she said he hadn't to worry about time, the offer would stand one way or the other.

But that wasn't important right now. Now he and Jen had ended up here, in front of "The Mirrorball". It was always Jens turn to choose their event for Saturday evenings. Pacey looked around. There was a sofa outside, even though it was chilling cold in the early January. The air was filled with music from the eighties and most people around them wore some kind of flowery clothes. It was a mix of hippies, eighties and some students.

'Well, yeah. Come on now, mister over-archiver Witter. This promises to be a whole. lot. of. fun!' She giggled, clearly drunk already. Pacey raised a brow at her but linked his arm with hers nonetheless and let her drag him with her as she led the way towards the door.

They hadn't been long inside by the time Jen was dancing with some clearly to cute guy named Charlie. Pacey leaned against the bar, a beer casually in one hand. He watched the dancing crowd as something caught his eye. He saw Doug dancing with Jack and beside them he saw Joey.

His heart skipped a beat and he was so surprised he'd almost lost grip on his glass. He placed it on the bar and took a deep breath. It was clearly a now or never moment and he chose the now. So he straightened his shirt and made his way through the crowd.

As he reached his brother he patted him on the shoulder. Jack greeted him and Joey gave him a beautiful smile.

'Glad to see you having fun. I imagined you deep in books each and every free second you get.' She grinned at him and her eyes were sparkling. Pacey blushed lightly, which he hoped she didn't saw because of the dim light.

'Well, honestly I would be, but fortunately I have Jen to prevent that from happening.' He smiled at her. 'Otherwise I hadn't been so lucky to meet you tonight.' He said, wondering where the guts had come from to say something like that to someone like her.

She smiled back her awesome lopsided smile and nodded. 'That would have been a shame for sure.'

'Definitely.' He looked at her and was pretty sure his gaze must give him away, but she just remained smiling at him. Surprised how easy it was to get into a flirt with her but clearly enjoying it as much as she did.

'And where's your friend now?'

'She's dancing with some guy.' Pacey pointed Jen out and turned back to look at her again. Man, she was amazing!

'So would you… uh…' He smiled sheepishly. '...mind me buying you a drink?'

She smiled widely. 'I would love to.'

He made an inner jump, his heart was racing as he followed her to the bar, aware of the look Doug shot him, with knowing eyes, telling him to be careful.

'So now, wouldn't you be embarrassed to be seen with your professor drinking a cocktail in an eightieth bar?' She looked at him with a sassy look on his face as they sat on a bench in a somewhat more quiet corner of the dance floor.

'With a beautiful woman by my side, I would never be embarrassed to be seen by anyone.' He smirked, flirting light-hearted with her wondering where his confidence came from and she chuckled. She looked awesome with the brown, waterfall shirt and the tight bluejeans she wore, fitted with knee-length leather boots over her tight jeans. Her hair flew over her shoulders like black velvet and her eyes big and inviting as were her red lips. He had to force himself to not stare at her like some horny teenage boy. So Pacey cleared his throat and looked out for Jen, just to make sure she was ok (and to distract his mind from the siren in front of him) and as he saw her locking her eyes with his he was relieved to know she knew where to find him.

'Wow, you're so different from your brother. He warned me though.' She smiled and as he met her gaze he felt the effect a simple, innocent thing like a shared look could have jolt through his whole body. Except he sensed it wasn't innocent at all, not for him ans seemingly not for her either. She raised a brow and Pacey felt his heart sinking.

'And about what would he warn you?' Pacey managed to say, with a nervous smile on his face.

'Well, he said you were the ultimate charmer, a total gentleman and - I quote here - very good with women.' She smirked and he looked down.

'Well than…'

'Yeah, well.' She laid her slender, warm hand on his, which rested on his leg and the innocent touch sent jolts of electricity through his whole body, his breath hitched and he was pretty sure she heard it. She didn't say anything about it, though. 'I'm honored to have a drink with you. It's a rare occasion meeting a real gentleman these day's. And such a smart and good looking one, buying a girl a drink. Haven't met someone like this in years.'

She smiled at him and he got all hot inside. Man, this girl would be the death of him.

'I'm glad you're enjoying my company.' He said in a slightly hoarse voice. Wanting nothing more than to draw her near and claim her lips as his. He just desperately wanted to know how she tasted, how she would feel in his arms, how her hair would feel and to finally get to know how she smelled. She nodded and wet her lips with her tongue, whilst locking her eyes with his and it almost killed him. Oh, but how he wanted to kiss her.

'Yeah, I'm enjoying it a whole lot. These days Jack is always kind of entwined with your brother.' She smiled and he couldn't manage much more than a nod.

'Yeah I can imagine that.' He whispered, knowing, would he have the chance, he would be entwined with her every waking moment.

She looked down and he chuckled nervously as he watched his brother dancing close with Jack and than back at her. What he hadn't expected was the fact he would be met with her open gaze again. She had beautiful deep brown eyes, almost black. The light around them mirrored in them, making them sparkle like stars. He wasn't able to break away form the intensity of the look. As if she draw him towards her with some kind of unnatural gravity. He was aware of her breath coming quickly and his own rapidly beating heart. And again, they spent a long time just looking into one anthers eyes. Pacey felt all dizzy and his arousal was surely written all over his face. Her pupils dilated as well. As the sexual tension just wasn't bearable anymore he lifted his hand in an attempt to lay in on her cheek, to finally pull her in for a passionate kiss.

'Pacey…. Pace.' Doug broke the moment and both of them needed a moment until his brothers voice broke through to them. 'Sorry I have to break whatever moment you've shared, but Jen just vomited on the dance floor, I suggest you bring her home. I called for a cap, should be here in five.'

Pacey looked down, chuckling in a somewhat bitter manner, totally frustrated and embarrassed both in the same time.

'Sorry, I have to get this.' He smiled sheepish at her, loving the strain of red that cherished her cheeks.

'Never mind.' She shook her head. 'Need a doctor?' She asked with a smirk but he just shook his had with a little smile. 'I think it's too much alcohol. I'm pretty sure I can handle her. It's not the first time anyway.' He looked at her and she nodded.

'You want a ride to the dorms?' She asked after clearing her throat. Oh, but hw he wanted her to take him home, but not to drag his drunken friend (who most likely was about to throw up into their professors car) up to their dorm room, but to be dragged by her to whereever she wanted to have him. They shared a longing look, clearly neither of them wanted to end this evening now. Doug broke the moment as he coughed loudly.

'No...' Pacey cleared his throat. '...but thanks, Ms Potter.'

'Joey.' She smiled.

'Joey...' Pacey said her name as if it was an endearment and needed a moment until he got his mind together. He sighed. 'Apparently Doug called for a cap.' He patted his brother shoulder and shot him a siedways look. 'Thanks Dougy.' Doug nodded and Pacey turned one last time towards Joey. 'See you on Monday I guess.' He gave her an apologetic smile and left her regretfully. But he smiled over the fact, she hadn't heard his brother say he'd gotten a cap for him, because it meant she had been into the moment quite as much as he had been.

He made his way through the crowds. Pacey knelt beside his friend on the messy floor. The guy she'd danced with standing nearby, obviously not quite sure about what to do. Pacey placed a comforting hand on Jens back. 'Come on girly. Come, I'll bring you home.' He lifted her carefully, holding her upright with an arm around her back. Charlie unfroze and helped him get her outside.

'Can you give me her number?' Charlie asked but Pacey just shot him a look.

'If she didn't do that, I won't do it either for sure.' But pity got the best of him and so he offered: 'But maybe come by tomorrow and check in with her. Oh look,' he turned to Jen, his voice all soft and soothing. 'look girly, there's the cap.'

* * *

As they'd finally settled back into their dorm room, Pacey changed his friends clothed, placed an empty bin beside her bed and lowered the lights. Pressing a soft kiss on her forehead he tucked her in. Slowly he settled on his desk stool. He looked out of the window, thinking about Joey and wondering what was in it for him, if this would be over tomorrow morning or if he had a chance with her. He sighed as he continued to watch the winternight out of the window of his dark room. Outside the snow had chanced into an icy rain.

 **Please leave me a review. One word will do. Thanks for your support!**


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi all,_

 _this little surprise update surprised me more than you'll know. I got motivated from you know who you are (thanks again!). Thank you all for your constant support. My life really goes crazy on me right now and I barely have a minute for myself. But I had this evening and I devoted it to you._

 _Please forgive me for the delay. This chapter is really, really (!) short, but it will get me back into the flow hopefully._

 _Please review and I promise to try and not make you wait this long again,_

 _Yours, Yana_

 **The Lead**

 _\- Chapter Four -_

As he continued to watch the icy rain fall, his phone began to hummed and he picked it up to see a massage from an unknown number. He opened it and a smile brightened his face.

 _ **unknown**_ : Hey there, hope you got your friend home safely.

Pacey smiled as he saved the number "Miss Josephine Potter".

 _ **Pacey**_ **:** Yeah, she's asleep now. thanks for asking.

 _ **Joey**_ **:** Thought maybe you wanted my number and just hadn't the chance to ask for it ;)

Pacey chuckled, feeling as engaged by her as he had the whole evening. Wondering if she'd thuoght about him as much as he had about her and just wishing this meant he had a chance with her, for more than just a flirt or one night. He was surprised by himself, finding the need and courage for a relationship inside himself.

 _ **Pacey**_ **:** Well yeah, I did. I just…. I didn't know if it was appropriate…

 _ **Joey**_ **:** Appropriate? Well, flirting with your professor isn't appropriate either, but you've done so the whole evening... and to tell you the truth, I enjoyed it a whole lot.

He felt his cheeks burning and his arousal raising, his heart beat faster. Maybe he had a chance. And suddenly he knew, wouldn't he catch his chance now, there was a good chance it would just pass him by. He thought a while about what to respond, sucking in his upper lip and taking a deep breath.

 _ **Pacey**_ **:** You did?

 _ **Joey**_ **:** Yep. Even though it's kind of strange flirting with somebody I changed diapers a few years back…

Pacey blushed and thuogh he didn't exactly know what to answer he just waited for her to say someting.

 _ **Joey**_ **:** Just teasing :)

 _ **Joey**_ **:** Don't get me wrong here, Pacey. I'm not one who's easily impressed. I can't remember the last time I actually flirted with someone….

 _ **Pacey**_ **:** You're kidding me!

 _ **Joey:**_ Nope...

 _ **Pacey:**_ No?

 _ **Joey:**_ Honestly, I haven't been flirting like this for a really, really long time

 _ **Pacey:**_ Okay, so now I'm flattered.

...he typed but was pretty sure she fooled with him. A woman like her was surely flirting every night and even more so had to have many and more offers for more than just flirting constantly.

 _ **Joey**_ **:** And you can be.

 _ **Pacey**_ **:** Can I ask you something?

 _ **Joey**_ **:** Sure.

 _ **Pacey**_ **:** Would you like to meet me? Say for breakfast tomorrow morning?

He held his breath, feeling like sixteen again. His heart racing, his blood swooshing in his ears. As suddenly his phone vibrated again it took him a moment to realize that it wasn't a massage but it was her calling him. He took a shivering breath an took up the phone.

'Hi…' His voice was shaking and he was pretty sure she could hear it too.

'I missed your voice.' She said it quite, almost shy and he almost dropped his phone. Her voice in his ear a mere whisper. 'You mind me calling you?' And it sent the most pleasurable shivers down his spine.

'Mind?' He asked, at a loss for words, his voice hoarse. 'No I… don't mind.' He thought about telling her, he missed her too, but quickly decided otherwise. 'Miss me already?' He asked instead, deciding to play the cool kid and as if to prove it to himself he placed his feet onto the sill.

'Silly isn't it?' Her voice was still quite. He imagined her smile into the phone, tucking her hair behind her ear.

'Not at all.' He shook his head with a serious expression on it, even though he knew she couldn't see it. 'So, about that breakfast?'

'I have the day off tomorrow, so yes, I would love to have breakfast with you. Let's say…' There was a little pause. 'well, wow it's morning already. So I would suggest brunch rather than breakfast if it's okay with you?'

'Brunch sounds great.' He said with a nervous smile on his face, he couldn't believe he would get to meet her again so soon and he couldn't deny he wanted to shake Jen awake to tell her and ask her what to wear and if he should bring flowers. If this was a date or really something more basic, like two friends having brunch together, or something more formal like a student and his professor having brunch together. But than again, she called him in the middle of the night, telling him she missed his voice. Could it really be that meaningless?

'You still there?' Her voice was shy and soft and it was like a leaf falling on a silent lake, drawing circles deep inside his very being.

'Yeah Jo, I'm right here.' _Oh God, I want to hold her so bad._ This deeply felt longing almost drove him crazy.

'Eleven at Renee's?'

His eyes switched to his clock to see it was about four in the morning already.

'Sounds great.' Truth was, he would have put his shoes on in no time meeting her right away in a heartbeat and knowing it would be a sleepless few hours before they'd met almost killed him. He wanted nothing more than to jump into the next cap and get to her as fast as possible, even if he knew that was ridiculous.

There was a long silence and neither of them seemed to want to hang up just yet.

'Jo?' Pacey asked after a good ten minuted silence.

'Yeah?'

'We should get some sleep, don't you think?' He asked her, smiling, sensing that she didn't want to hang up any more than he did. And he let his wounded heart began to hope, that meant she wanted him too. For more than a brunch in the morning, for more than a student-professor realtionship or even a friendship, but for loves sake.

'Maybe, it's just…' She hesitated. '...never mind.'

'Oh, no no no, Joey.' Pacey, who has never been one to let a comment like this just go unmined. 'It's just what?' He bit his tongue, because he almost called her babe and he was pretty sure that would have been out the line.

'Nothing, really Pace. I really should let you sleep.' His name as an almost-endearment from her lips made him breathless for a second. The last person that called him "Pace" with this effect had been Andie and in this very moment he was sure, without any question, that he had fallen head over heels, hopelessly in love for the second time in his life.

'Please tell me, Jo.' He managed to say, forgetting she was his professor, just picturing the woman she was.

'I guess it's just less lonely with you on the phone is all.'

He smiled flirtatious. 'Well, you can sleep with me on the phone if you want to…'

She laughed a soft laugh and it was like music in his ears. 'I could, but that would only lead to neither of us getting any sleep.'

'You're probably right, but…' He wanted to hold her on the line for a little longer but she cut him off.

'No, see you in a few hours. I… looking forward to it.'

'Yeah, me too.'

'Night Pace.' She whispered and he knew she's bit her lip that very moment and it drove his mind nuts and did nothing to ease his arousal.

'Good night Jo.' With this he heard her hang up. Very slowly he lowered his phone. For a while he watched the rain continue to fall. At length he stood, wondering if he had fallen asleep and nothing of this had really happen he scuffled to the bathroom brushed his teeth and went to the toilet before heading to bed. He tucked Jen in again and her eyes fluttered open a little.

'Sorry if I ruined your night, Pacey.' He smiled down at her an kissed her on the forehead.

'Don't worry, honey. Just sleep.'

'Mm…' And her eyes fell shut again.

He picked up the phone to attach it to the recharger as he saw a new massage. As he opened it his whole face lit up.

 _ **Joey**_ **:** Hey Pace. I thought you might want a picture for my contacts. Sweet dreams, see you in five (hours…). Yours, Joey.

He couldn't deny the butterflies going crazy inside him and neither did he want to. He saved her picture and than fell down on his bed and instantly falling in a deep dreamless sleep.

 **Please leave a comment.**


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey all,_

 _wow so much review's. Thanks, you guys are the best!_

 _So, here is the next chapter for so much support. I can't promise anything, but I hope, there'll be an update before the weekend, but don't expect too much, becuae my life really is crazy right now._

 _keep the revies coming, PM's are always welcome as well._

 _Enjoy,_

 _Yana_

 **The Lead**

\- Chapter Five -

Pacey woke with a startle the moment his alarm went off. The first thing that raced through his mind, was that he'd dreamed all of it. But than his hand fumbled for his mobile and as't expect too much, he looked at the display there was a message. And he smiled as he saw it was from her.

 **Joey:** You're still sure about that brunch?

How couldn't he be? This was the one thing he really wanted since he first laid eyes on her. He wanted to spent time with her. He cherished the meetings they had with small groups of students discussing science with her. He never missed one of her lessons. He used to find every excuse to seek her out for her professional opinion on almost everything ever so slightly to do with her field of work. He worked his ass off for assignments to make her see him. And now that she finally did, she asked if he was sure… He chuckled quietly and smiled about her obvious insecurity and asked himself why it was, that a woman like her was unsure about herself and the effect she had on others.

 **Pacey:** Never been so sure about anything in my life.

The words were written and sent more quickly than his mind had the chance to click in. Pacey covered his face with his hands, rubbing over it, cursing quietly to himself, wondering if he should write something to lessen the impression of his willingness, but he decided to let her deal with it. He had never been one to hide behind words. He was insecure, his heart had been broken and irreparably so. So really, was there anything left to loose?

A moment later his phone vibrated and his heart began to race as he looked at the display, almost sure to find her canceling the appointment.

 **Joey:** Me neither. So I guess… See you later?

And than he let out a breath of relief.

 **Pacey:** Yep, later it is.

And he grinned the most shit eating grin as he walked to the bathroom and took a really long, really hot shower. Pacey shaved and dressed in a tight blue jeans and a black wife beater. The decision of what shirt to wear lay yet before him so he exited the bath with still moist hair.

'Well, you look gorgeous this morning Pacey.'

He almost jumped as Jen spoke up to him. She leaned with her head against the wall and the bed cover tucked up to her chin. She chuckled. 'Bit jumpy?'

'Obviously…' He murmured as he scuffed towards his closet. He felt her eyes in his back as if her gaze burned right through him.

'So, what is my favorite guy in all the world up to at this ungodly hour?' She asked as she scuffed through the room and came to stand beside him, watching him as he looked into his wardrobe with a blank expression.

'It's ten o'clock, Jen. It's nothing ungodly about ten…'

'On a Sunday?'

'So it's ten o'clock on a _Sunday_ … so what?' He turned to look at her and his voice was a little harsher than he'd intended it to be.

'Nothing… nothing.' She waved her hand dismissively. 'Just wear the black turtleneck.' She wrinkled her nose and kissed him on the cheek. 'It makes you so very attractive.'

'That obvious?' He asked as he pulled out the shirt and put it on.

'Oh no… not at all.' She smiled at him as she slumbered down on his bed. 'So, who is it?'

He sat down beside her.

'Joey.' He said and couldn't help but smile, because he couldn't quite believe it. She had invited him for brunch and that was not some crazy thing his mind made up, it was real and honestly, it scared him a little bit.

'Joey…' She reiterated, clearly searching her mind for him mentioning that name before. 'The sweet but dump blond you laid two weeks ago?'

Pacey blushed but shook his head.

'Not the blond... The red-haired fireball, you got involved with last time you canceled an appointment with Doug, because of Miss Potter...?' and before he could protest or respond anything her eyes widened in sudden realization and stared at him in pure surprise. 'Joey? Isn't that what Doug calls Miss Potter?'

Pacey couldn't hide his grin anymore as he nodded. 'Well yes. In blood and flesh.'

'Wow Pacey, that it….' She hugged him tight. 'I mean, that is all you wanted since that first night.'

'Well, I know, honey-pie.' He kissed her forehead. 'She invited me for brunch after I got you home last night...'

'She invited you?'

'Yep! And I better get going now. So sorry, but you'll have to get yourself your hangover breakfast without me.'

'Will do, just tell me everything - - the moment you come back.'

'Deal.' He stood and put on his jacket a gray scarf and his black leather gloves. He watched his reflection in the mirror.

'How do I look?'

'Gorgeous.'

'Be honest!'

'Have you ever experienced me not being honest?' She stood and looked over his shoulder in the same mirror. 'This is me, you know? I would be honest to you if it meant my death sentence. I wouldn't let you out of here if you wouldn't look gorgeous.' She bit her lower lip. 'Unless…'

He turned to face her. 'Unless?'

'Unless it meant, she would steal you from me…' She kissed his nose and he took her into his arms.

'Not gonna happen, Jen.' He knew she was afraid of being left behind, but if anything he could reassure her of his friendship and he would hate to miss her's. 'Be back by afternoon, and if I'm not I'll text you. Deal?'

'Deal.' She looked up at him and smiled. 'And now out with you.'

'Bye Jen.' And with this he let go of her and was out the door in a heartbeat.

* * *

The cold hit him hard as he stepped out of the house and onto the street. The icy wind blew icy air in his face and he wished he'd put on a bonnet. Snow still fell as he walked through the ankle-deep snow. His hands deep in the pockets of his jacket, his breath clearly to be seen in the chilly air.

God he was nervous. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been _this_ nervous in all his life. Maybe he never had been. His heard was racing, his hands were wet, his breath came quick. It was ridiculous. He felt like like a sixteen year old on his way to his first date and he wasn't quite sure if it was one. But than again - could it really be anything else? If it wasn't for her it quite certainly was for him.

The moment he turned around the corner to Renee's he saw her. Her long coat tight around her slender body, a black woolen cap on her head, tipping from one foot on the other as she obviously was waiting for him.

He couldn't deny what effect she had on his body and mind, only seeing her standing there and clearly waiting for him. He stood a moment and watched her putting her mobile out, checking for something and putting it back inside her pocket. He couldn't help but smile and be slightly relieved. That meant, that she was maybe just as nervous as he was and her being nervous could mean that she wanted more than a friendly meeting too.

He straightened his shoulders and walked straight up to her.

'Hey there.' He greeted her and as she lifted her head and their eyes met the most beautiful and breathtaking smile brightened her face.

'Hey.' He stopped right in front of her, feeling electric sparks all around as she bit her lower lip he was sure it would be his death. 'I'm glad you came.' She said with a shy smile.

'Why wouldn't I?' He asked and really, he couldn't find any satisfying answer.

She shrugged and he sensed more behind that little shrug than met the eye.

'Am I late?' He offered.

'No, no not at all… I was early.' She looked to the ground and suddenly seeming much younger to Pacey than she actually was.

'Well, what about entering?' He asked after a short moment and held open the door for her. 'It's freezing cold out here and now I'm here there's no need to stand longer in the cold than necessary, what do you think?'

Her eyes met his once again and the need to taste those red lips was almost unbearable, her eyes shining as she passed him by. 'Thanks.'

'My pleasure.' And even though it was a phrase he was sure he hadn't meant anything quite as honest as this.

* * *

Little later they sat on a nice window table, each of them a big cup with hot white coffee and a plate with pancakes and syrup in front of them. Pacey leaned back and watched her, as she lifted her cup and drank than put it down again and licked the remaining milk froth from her upper lip. She was incredibly sexy with her red stained cheeks, her sparkling brown eyes and her auburn hair falling freely to her shoulders. He must have been smiling because she smiled shyly back at him.

'Everything alright?' She asked and he just nodded.

'Yeah. Everything's perfect…'

'Just, you… haven't said a word since we came in here and…' She let the sentence unfinished and he just shook his head.

'Really, everything is just fine. I guess I…' He grinned sheepishly. 'I guess I just try to convince myself I'm really here.' He reached over to touch her hand ever so slightly and his breath hitched as he felt her warm skin under his. 'That _you_ are really here.' His voice turned huskily and she blushed. Oh, but he wanted her so damn much.

Joey remained silent for a moment, but than surprised him by turning her hand around and holding his hand ever so gently, sending shivers through his whole body and as she casually slid her fingers through his, it made his heart race and he was pretty sure his cheeks were burning by now. Could it really be that simple. Could she really just want him back just as much as he wanted her? Could it be, that she'd fallen for him? That he stand a chance to be enough for a woman like her?

'So am I.' She looked into his eyes and he was certain his heart stopped beating right there and than.

Pacey just looked at her and his thoughts tumbled over themselves, he wanted to make some witty joke, some silly comment of his effect on her, but really, he was to overwhelmed by the fact she was so willingly open with him, so into whatever it was they developed between them, that it made him speechless. He just enjoyed the feeling of her hand in his, her fingers against his, her eyes holding his.

'You had me sleepless last night, you know?' She stated with the most sensual voice and the brightest of smiles, beaming directly into his heart and warming him up inside.

'I did?' He asked a witty smile on his own face and she nodded.

'Well yes. Handsome guy flirting with me, not happen every night.' She laughed and he knew she'd be the end of him.

He grinned but shook his head. 'Impossible. Handsome guys must stand in line on your front door, hoping for your attention. But maybe you're too caught up with someone particular and just don't see them?'

She shrugged casually and squeezed his hand ever so slightly. Making his soul hope and his body respond in a way that made him wish he'd chosen a less tight jeans. 'May certainly be.' She grinned. 'Bon appetié.' She smiled and he grinned as they began to eat in complete ease.

They joked and flirted easy going for the whole noon. They ordered more coffee and orange juice, eggs and bacon, croissants and fruits. Every now and than their hands would brush oh so casually against the others. They would take a hold on each others hand and hold it for a while. Their eyes would meet and they would look into each others eyes for an inappropriate long time. They laughed and shared easy silence.

Outside the light slowly faded into afternoon twilight as Joey leaned back, letting go of the hand she'd been holding for at least the last ten minutes and wiped at her mouth.

'So, may I ask you something?' Pacey nodded, leaning back as well and waited until the waitress cleared their table, just leaving their coffeecups.

As the girl had retreated Joey caught his gaze. 'Why have you rejected every opportunity to meet me at Doug's ever since he moved here?' She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and he felt as if she'd stabbed him. Pacey took a deep breath and tried to decide if it would be best to go with the truth or to hide behind some assignment or exam, but he knew it wouldn't work, because Doug had invited him over at least a hundred times, and almost every day between Christmas and New Year and even for New Years eve and Pacey had found every excuse to not be there.

'Well, I…. I guess I was afraid.' He offered honestly, avoiding her gaze.

'Afraid because of me?' She asked uncertain and a little smiled played around the corners of her beautiful, kissable mouth. 'Am I this scary?'

'Well, no…. and yes.' He shrugged and lost in thoughts he began to turn the cup on the table round and round. She didn't say anything but he felt her eyes on him. After a long while he lifted his head, surprised to meeting hers instantly. 'I was afraid of how obvious it would be, that I was… I am… interested in you. That I wanted more than meeting you at my brothers place and maybe you would just see me as this - his little brother, the showy student. And not seeing the man I am.' He took a deep breath and decided he could as well put all his cards on the table. This was an all or nothing moment and he decided to go with all rather than nothing. If he wouldn't risk it now, maybe he wouldn't find the courage to take it any other time and the moment would pass him by, leaving him regretting being a fool for the rest of his life. He held her eyes with his and his voice was shaky as he spoke with his heart on his sleeve, nervous as hell but certain of doing the right thing. 'The man, that fell in love with you the moment he laid eyes on you. I wanted you to see me like this. I wanted you to see I loved you right from the start.' He took a shivering breath, not letting her eyes go for a second. 'And I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable or putting you in some delicate situation, but I love you Joey. And this…. This is really all I wanted. You and me, alone, without any big brother or friend watching us. Just me and you.' He swallowed. 'And I guess now you'll just stand up and walk out the door, because I'm just some silly college boy and quite certain not the first one having a crush on you.'

She stared at him. For a long moment she said nothing. Just sat there and stared at him until he could no longer bear it and stood.

'Maybe I should better take my leave.' He put out his wallet, pulled out some money and placed it on the table. 'I'm sorry Miss Potter, I should have kept my mouth shot…' He said the words bitterly, his heart clenched and he wondered why he had been so careless with it, knowing she would reject him and that the flirting the night before was quite obviously driven by too much alcohol in their heads. As he walked her by, she took his hand, taking him by surprise.

'Don't go, Pacey.' He turned and looked down at her as she looked up at him from where she still sat. 'Please sit down again, would you?' She pleaded with her big brown eyes and he turned to reclaim his seat opposite of her. He watched her as she was clearly struggling for words like he'd done a few moments earlier.

'It's been a long, long time since anybody was interested in that way in me.' She met his eyes and he was taken aback with her bluntness. 'Don't get me wrong here, I mean, I was interested in you, obviously.' She was a bit breathless and it was kind of sweet. 'You were so… I don't know… so _real_ the night we first met. You know, I see many people every day and I'm used to be confronted with a whole bunch of masks they wear, but you… People at work who want to appear as the detached, professional doctor, the wise caring nurse, the caring relative, but really are exhausted and burnt out or just don't know how to ease someones pain anymore. Or at Harvard I see many students who just appear to be someone they're just not. But you... You were just so openly yourself and have been ever since. Blunt and witty and angry at times, impulsive. Just _real_. Like that first night, as you flirted with me like I was some college girl and trying to safe me from that old guy. Who's just as old as I am, by the way.' She chuckled and he let out a breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding. 'I thought you would loose this side of yourself sooner rather than later, drowning it in books or for the sake to satisfy anyones standards, but you just stayed who you are.' She paused and placed her hand in the middle of the table, where their hands had met so often over the course of brunch. 'I read your name on my student list the first day, before I got into class and I knew who you were. And I knew it must have been you that night, because something about you got me even as you were just a little child. I adored you, like someone adores a child. I remembered everything about you visiting us back home, remembered the cruelty of your father and the painful disinterest of your mother. I remembered you laughing against all odds and one of your fist words were my name.' She smiled a little sad smile. 'I remembered you being happy in our garden and I wondered where you found the strength to end up here. My most promising student.' She looked at him and he just felt everything at once. The anger about his parents, about the family that hadn't been the support system he'd needed, the sadness of being the lest important child, the loneliness after they'd stopped visiting the Potters even if that memory just crept back in after Doug had shown him the Potter house. And Pacey wondered to what point she might aim. He was afraid she's turn around, landing on the "most-promising-student"-lane, never mentioning any other emotion again, but than again there was hope in his heart, because she seemed so willing to let him be part of her story. 'I am really proud of what you've achieved and I am afraid, that when I let myself get involved with you, that maybe you would loose your motivation. Loose your flow, you know? Being distracted, because you would have lost the reason to distract yourself with studies.' He stared at her.

'What are you saying here, Jo?' His voice was hoarse. And she smiled shyly.

'I guess I am saying, that I would very much like to tell you, I like you too. I like you a whole lot and much more than is appropriate and…'

His phone rang and he cursed it.

'Go on, this can wait.' Joey waved dismissively. He looked at her but she shook her head. 'No, it's okay, really. She'll call again until you pick up anyway…'

'How'd you know who it is?'

She grinned. 'It's no riddle. She cares about you, just like you care about her. You took her home safely yesterday and she want to check in with you. It's quite late already and you'd probably told her you'd be back by now.'

He chuckled and shook his head. 'That I did indeed. Excuse me for a moment, will you?'

'Sure thing.' She smiled and he stood and left the room, dialing Jen's number as he walked. The cold hit him hard as he stood outside, freezing, waiting for her to pick up the phone.

'Pacey, man…. You have me worried here.'

'Everything's fine, Jen. I don't know when I'll be back.' Pacey said with a trembling voice, because of the cold.

'You don't sound fine...'

'I'm standing outside, Jen. Just wanna tell you, I do not know when I'll be back, okay?'

' _That_ good?'

He could almost see her widen her eyes and that special look on her face. 'That _complicated_. I promise to tell you everything.' He knew he sounded exactly as impatient as he felt. He wanted to get back in there and just desperately hoped, that she would tell him what she wanted to tell him the second Jen interrupted them.

'Okay, okay pumpkin. I'll be waiting for you. I'm out. Love you.'

'Love you too.' With that he hung up and got back into the house, rubbing his hands together to get the cold out as he approached their table, still amazed that she really was there.

'You wanted to say something?'

She nodded and looked at him. 'Everything ok?'

'Yeah, she just wanted to check in, just as you said.' He stated and sat down on the empty chair beside her, suddenly feeling the need to have the closest proximity to her than possible. He grabbed the cup with hot coffee to warm his hands with it.

'Okay than.' She took a deep breath. 'I guess, what I wanted to say is, that I hadn't had a relationship in a really, really long time. There was in fact no one as close to me as you are now since high school I guess.' He almost dropped the cup.

'You mean…?'

She shrugged. 'Yes.' Joey took a real deep breath. 'I mean I started college, than my mom fell sick and died on us in the blink of an eye, my sister was pregnant by that time... So I studied like crazy, waited every night in some club, tried to help my sister with the income until the baby was born and given up for adoption. After I finished college there had been work. And college obviously, now as professor…. Well, I hadn't had the time nor the interest.' She gave him an uncertain look. 'Until you came along, waltzing into my life.'

'Meaning?' He'd placed the cup carefully back unto the table, looked at her expectantly, his hand carefully found it's way to her's, still laying on the table. And the tiniest smile graced her lips for a second as their hands touched.

'Will you promise me to not stop studying like you do? With all your heard and energy. Because you're so damn good at what you do, it would be a shame to see you letting it go.'

He nodded, even if he didn't get what she was about. 'Well, yes, I don't have any intention to let go of studying. But why?' He felt his heart racing again and this roaring hope inside made him almost burst.

'Because I think I've fallen for you too…' Her voice was a mere whisper as she looked straight into his eyes, making his knees go weak.

'You think?' He asked with the slightest hitch of uncertainty.

'I know.' Her eyes met his and he smiled at her broadly. All the tension suddenly disappeared and all he could feel was a great and unexpected joy floating his body and soul, stopping him from seeing straight. And following an impulse he laid his hand on her cheek, running his thump over her soft skin. Taking in all of her and as her eyes fluttered shut with a hitched breath his hand found it's way into the crook of her neck and into her hair. His breath came quick and the unbearable desire to kiss her almost made it impossible to breathe at all. His heart beat as if it was about to jump out of his chest and his whole body felt on fire. As she opened her eyes again and her desire was openly written in them he closed his eyes and pulled her into the most breathtaking kiss. The moment their lips met, he forgot the world around them, everything just swirling around him and into unimportance. There were just she and him, she seemed to be the center of his thinking and of his feeling. There was nothing as important as to be right here. Right now. Kissing her as if there was no tomorrow. And as she cupped his face with her hands, really, everything else just ceased to exist.

 **Please leave a comment.**


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys,

sorry for the delay. I really hope I am able to update more regulary now, but can't promise anything.

This one provides a little insight concerning Joey, as one particular person wanted some information about her. Let me know if you need anything more.

I hope you enjoy and please leave me a review or write me a PM, they really help me find the time and motivation for writing in my everyday-chaos.

Thanks to all of you, who review every chapter. Special thank you goes out to Eva and Kate for extra-motivation.

Yana

 **The Lead**

\- Chapter Six -

They were at the ice rink, after they'd left Renee's. Pacey found it strangely romantic to slide beside her over the ice under the first stars. Even though it was bitter cold Pacey felt all warm and the small smile that graced his lips and it grew even wider as the afternoon became evening. Surely it was tightly bound to the fact, that Joey had never let go of his hand since she's taken it as they left Renee's and neither did he. Every time their eyes met she would smile at him the most stunning smile and the sparkle in her big brown eyes melted away the carefully build wall around his heart. Pacey knew, even if he hadn't been sure about his feelings for her before, now there could just not be the slightest doubt: He was in love for her and every time their eyes met he fell deeper. His heart beat fast and there couldn't be any dout, that it wasn't due to the ice skating.

After they were both exhausted and their cheeks and noses were red from the cold and the excitement of spending time with each other Pacey stopped at the ring fence and pulled her against his body. She placed her gloved hands on his shoulder and he held her oh so casually on the thighs, even though his whole body went crazy with her in his arms. He wasn't able to avoid his thoughts to creep under her clothes and it didn't help at all. God, he wanted to kiss her. To touch her.

His breath came quickly and she smiled at him, causing his already racing heart to speed up nonetheless. Pacey tried to find any expedient words but wasn't able to catch a straight thought. Instead his eyes switched from her shining eyes to her kissable, smiling lips and he cursed quietly as she licked at them.

His breath quickened and his arousal rose. She _was_ hot. And in his arms. It could so easily be heaven… He just needed to lean a little closer and their lips would finally meet again in that breathtaking way they had hours before. Oh, how he longed to taste her again, to feel her pounding heart against his chest and to believe she wanted him back the same way he wanted her. That she needed him the same way. That maybe she loved him in return... He'd forgotten what he wanted to tell her as he stopped, all he knew was that he held her in his arms and she doesn't seem to mind the slightest bit. His head swam and the surroundings had long gone into unimportance. His whole body ached for his lips to touch hers again. They hadn't kiss since that first time, but now, as she stand invitingly in front of him, between his wide stance, looking up at him with desire filled eyes it was the hardest thing to do to resist her.

'You're going to say something or would you just kiss me already?' She asked, her voice a mere whisper, filled with the same longing he felt, but with the slightest smirk on her lips. Pacey chuckled quietly and then his lips met hers again and this roaring fire started right away. Desire and lust and longing, overwhelmed by the fact he got to kiss her in the open. He struggled for balance as he draw her closer and hadn't she been as quick as she was, stabilizing them with her hands on the ring fence, they would have surely landed in an rather awkward way on the ice. She laughed into the kiss and so did he. Oh, but it felt divine to kiss her out in the open, for everyone to see and he just wasn't ready to stop kissing her now.

'Maybe you guys better should head for home.' Some guy, suddenly standing beside them, stated in an authoritative voice.

'Well yes, we'd better…' Joey cleared her throat and adjusted her woolen cap with an embarrassed smile and Pacey buried his burning face in her shoulder, trying desperately to regain control over his thrumming body. 'Doug!' Joey squeaked as she recognized who the stranger was.

'Well yes in flesh and blood.' Doug grinned as Pacey lifted his head and met his brothers gaze, but wasn't sure if he should be embarrassed, amused or angry. Doug patted him on the shoulder with his typical officer-brother-smile, half amused half educational. 'Glad to see you two have finally made it. So, off with you, can't let you make out on the ice rink, would have to charge you for incorrect behavior and I would hate to do so.' He smirked and before any of them could say anything he was gone again.

'I guess we better…' Joey pointed to the exit.

'...go.' Pacey nodded and followed her with her hand in his as she led the way.

* * *

Thereupon they strode in comforting silence through the tilted streets, Pacey's arm around her shoulder and hers around his waist. And it felt like finally being in the right place at exactly the right time. And as Joey rested her head against his shoulder, Pacey was sure would he die this very second, he'd be the happiest he'd ever been in his life.

'What about pizza and red wine, I'll light a fire in the chimney and we get to know each other better?' She asked while she turned her head just the slightest bit to be able to look at him.

'Sounds great to me.' He grinned, even though "great" was the understatement of the century. So it came, that they ended up in front of her house, caring a family sized pizza, laughing and joking, bantering and lighthearted. Right up until they entered the house and Pacey placed the pizza box on a sideboard. He began to take off his jacket as he caught her eyes. She looked at him, her gloves in her hands, just looking at him, watching him all heat up and he just looked right back into her eyes, fully aware to what this glance could lead. And he wanted her far too much to let this opportunity slip through his fingers. If she wanted him back, he sure as hell wouldn't stop her. Joey stepped a little bit closer to him until he could feel her breath on his neck and it send shivers down his spine. His whole body was shaking as her eyes held his steadily and she stepped even closer to him. It drove Pacey insane, all he could think about was her body, her taste, the way she would feel beneath him. He longed to discover all there was to find beneath her clothes, to explore every little bit of her body. God he wanted her so much, more than he thought possible.

'Would you mind if I'd kiss you?' She whispered and looked up at him under long lashes with ridiculously innocent eyes and Pacey was sure every word was meant to torture him.

'If you're aware of what might happen when you do…' He responded, his voice hoarse and deep and desperate.

'I am.' She whispered and without further hesitation she sealed his lips in the most desire filled kiss and they abandoned their clothes on the way through her house, only breaking the kiss when inevitable, touching, exploring, devoting themselves to one another. Somehow they made it up the stairs and into her bedroom until they were blissfully naked, finally skin to skin. Pacey had abandoned clear thinking bit by bit along with every pieces of cloth they dropped.

As they lay in the aftermath of orgasm on her comfy king-sized bed, the light of the full moon shining into the room, painting silver shadows on the walls. Joey was curled up on his side under a warm blanked. Her head rested in the most intimate way on his shoulder, his arms possessively around her slender naked figure, one hand playing lazily with her brown hair, as realization slowly sank in on Pacey.

* * *

'Jo?', his voice was very quiet, almost a whisper and all his insecurities crept back into his heart.

'Hmm?', it sounded tired.

'Can I ask you something?'

'Anything, Pace.' She changed her position just enough to rest her head on her hand. She was beautiful and in the twilight of the dimmed lamp she seemed almost unreal but her eyes were filled with warmth and honest interest.

'Do you regret what we just did?' He was afraid to ask the question, afraid of what the answer might be, but he knew, wouldn't he ask now he'd most likely never ask.

Joey looked at him with narrowed eyes.

'Why should I?' She kissed him on the corner of his mouth and her other hand began to draw patterns on his covered chest, doing nothing to ease the arousal that took hold of Pacey again. Her eyes followed her hand and it caused him to close his eyes for a second. Emotions washing over him as she kissed his no longer covered chest. 'I wanted this for so long now.' Her voice was deep and filled with desire but than she stopped kissing him, but her hand stayed just were it had been. She looked into his eyes again. 'I kept wondering why you refused to meet me at Doug's. If I interpreted something into your behavior that just wasn't real, just existed in in my head, caused by my lonely heart longing for you to want me back the way I wanted you for so long now. And by Christmas I was convinced, you just weren't interested and so I tried to understand.' She tilted her head and he felt all kinds of guilty. 'I tried to convince myself, that the looks you gave me didn't mean anything, that you just weren't interested in me the same way I was in you. That you just saw me as your mentor, maybe a model of what you wanted for yourself. But than again Doug went on about you asking him about me and I began to hope again until you didn't show up time and time again.'

'I'm sorry….' He felt guilty as he tightened his embrace and draw her closer.

'Don't be.' She rested her forehead against his chest, her voice hushed. 'Just please tell me this isn't just a one night stand. That this is more for you also.' Her voice begged with him and he felt it deep inside his soul and so he lifted her head so he could look at her.

' _This_...' He pointed between them. 'This is everything you want it to be, Joey. Because I told you and I will tell you again: I fell in love with you right from the beginning and I'm not afraid of risking my heart for you, even though it had been broken before.' He took a deep breath. 'So, if this is _more_ for you, than it's absolutely more for me, too.' He told her in a serious voice but than he smirked a little bit ' This is, if you're okay with being with someone you babysitted...'

'I just slept with you, so obvioulsy it's not that big a problem for me.' She grinned and he blushed the slightest bit. 'But don't think I hadn't thought about _that_ , I mean, I changed your _diapers_.' She laughed and placed the sweetest kiss on his nose tip, enjoying the deeper red that now graced his cheeks and he felt all kinds of embarrassed. 'I spend much time wondering where life would leave you and as it played out, if had brought you right back to me.' She smiled the warmest smile and it made him feel safe, maybe for the first time at all. 'To tell you the truth, I have no problem with this – with us – if you have none. The man you've grown to be has nothing to do with the baby I nursed all those years ago.' She smiled at him broadly and he smiled right back at her, because it was all he could think of. She wanted him. She said "us" and meant it as in "together", so really, what was there for him to do as to smile and he was sure his eyes must be telling her everything. 'I want you, Pacey, and I don't mean for tonight or even a couple of nights. I want you in my everyday life, if you want it too. I... I want you to be with me.' They shared a long, deep look.

'I want you to be with me, too.' He whispered, because it was the truth. He pulled her closer to his body until their lips met in a soft, promising kiss and Pacey's heart skipped a beat as they lost time and space again as they fell into one another one more time.

* * *

Later they sat on the big sofa in front of a homely fire and shared the rewarmed pizza and the red wine. Pacey looked around the room. There were wooden bookshelves and a rocking chair in front of the chimney, a woolen blanket hung over one armrest and he could almost picture her sitting there, reading a book curled up under the blanket a fire in the chimney soft music in the background.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned back, as all of a sudden a pencil drawing on the wall caught his eye. A child in a boat on a lake, it looked strangely familiar. And as he now looked around the room with open eyes he saw other pictures much like the first. A child under an apple tree. A baby on a blanket in the shadow. All beautifully drawn and with so much love for detail he could almost feel the pictures. But than his eyes widened as another one caught his eye. A young man in his early twenties, sitting in an auditorium. He narrowed his eyes and stood, aware of her watching him as he stepped in front of the picture.

'It this….?' Pacey pointed at the picture. Something about this man was so familiar, realization almost hit him in the face. This couldn't be...

She stepped up to him until she was beside him, he could feel her close to him. 'You? Yes it is. It always is.' Joey smiled sheepishly as he turned to look at her, to see if she made fun of him and clearly she wasn't.

'All of them?' He asked, taken by surprise and he loved the red stain that crept over her face as she gave a him little nod.

'I just don't seem to be able to draw any other thing.' She shrugged. 'I tried to draw a picture of my nephew right after Bessie gave him up for adoption, but out came this.' She pointed to the picture of the baby on the blanked, obviously Pacey. 'You under the apple tree. Than I tried to draw a picture of Bessie on the Creek, out came this.' She pointed to the picture of Pacey in the rowboat. 'It's always the same.' She shrugged again, smiling her adorable lopsided smile and he grinned at her, feeling a mix of amusement and nervousness. 'And than one day I just had to draw you, sitting there in the lecture, taking your exam while you did it…' She sighed and he harrumphed suddenly nervous 'I can just take them down if they irritate or offend you.'

'Offend me?' He turned to look at her and even if it felt strange to know she drew him _while_ he did an exam. And even more so, drew him almost his whole life, he found it kind of sweet. 'They flatter me.' He offered and pulled Joey into his warm embrace, letting out a sigh of relief as she leaned her head against his chest.

* * *

'Jen?'

Pacey stormed into their shared dorm room in the early morning hour. A bag of take away breakfast from Renee's in one hand, the other balanced a cardboard tray with two cups of hot milky coffee, one sweet for Jen.

He smiled at her sleeping form, utterly dressed on his bed. Obviously she had fallen asleep while she had been waiting for him. A book beside her had fallen off her hand and the yellow highlighter lay still open on her notes. A quick feeling of bad conscience took hold of him, but he shook it off, because really, he felt all kinds of good inside.

Pacey placed the food on the table and knelt beside the bed. Tenderly he brushed a strand of hair off of Jen's face and brought his mouth to her ear.

'Hey my sweet Jen, I brought breakfast.' He whispered and she stirred. 'Jen… Come on, wake up.' His voice was still low, even though he wanted to shake her awake so he could tell her everything. He felt like a child, telling the neighbors Santa Claus brought the best present ever. 'I burst with all I want to share with you.' She blinked her eyes open by the sound of his soft voice.

'Pace?' She starred at him and than sat straight up, rubbing on her face and suddenly her arms were around him she hugged him tight. 'God Pacey, you had me terrified with your phone off and all…'

He grinned at her, couldn't fight the sparkle in his eyes as he tried to make a guilty face. 'Sorry?' He offered and she bobbed him.

'Really I am.' He gave her his puppy eyes.

'No you're not.' She grinned and looked adorable with her sleepyhead and this sunshining Jen-smile.

'Maybe no entierely...' He grinned back and she laughed.

'So I get it, it was a great night…' She tilted her head and he shook his head. 'Not a great night?' She narrowed her eyebrows in confusion and held out a hand for him to pass her the coffee but instead he sat beside her and tried hard to sort his thoughts.

'Yeez, Jen it was…' He paused. 'Incredible. I mean it was….' He paused again. 'Indescribable. Unreal even. And so very unexpected.' He struggled for words and she chuckled.

'Oh, so please tell me everything but before you do, would you be so kind and just hand me that damned coffee before it gets any colder?' Pacey leaned forward and grabbed the cardboard tray and the bag as Jens eyes caught a glimpse of the clock.

'Oh, a shame I'll have to wait to hear all you gotta tell me…' She sighed and got up. Now it was Pacey's turn to look at her confused. She pointed towards his bedside clock. 'Lesson's about to start in fifteen minutes and I absolutely _have_ to have a shower and a change of clothes before attending it!'

He chuckled and stood to stop her from getting into the bathroom, grabbing her by the thighs making her squirm and laughing too. 'Now, you stop there woman, get back onto that bed and celebrate with me probably the one and only day of my college experience I'll spent talking with you about last night.' She raised a brow. 'Because I will literally going to explode if I don't have the chance to share it with you right now. And when we start this day now, it will not be over until seven p.m. so, please Jen please, please will you have breakfast with me and listen?' He gave her his best puppy eyes.

'Is this you asking me to "play hooky" with you?' She looked at him with an unbelieving look on her face and it made him cherish their friendship even more, because really, she had no intention of attending class if she had the opportunity to listen to him – and she knew he knew.

'Yes' He nodded.

'As in "cut classes and maybe missing something important"?' She clarified while sipping on the still hot coffee Pacey passed her.

'Yes, please Jen.'

'Are there croissants in there?' She eyed the bag.

Pacey waggled his eyebrows. 'Oh yeah, there are with chocolate.' She grinned and he felt utterly pleased. 'And lot's of other stuff…' Pacey smirked and knew he'd won. Jen defeated with her hands up and slumped back on the bed with a dramatic sigh. 'So, pass me the bag and tell your tale.' She smiled at him and he passed the bag. Jen took a croissant and took a hearty bite. Pacey grinned at her as he watched her eat for a moment but shook his head as she offered him the second one.

'Okay, so don't eat anything, leaves more for me.' She licked some crumbs from her lips. 'But, by the grace of god, please just start that story of yours.'

A sunny smile graced his handsome face.

'Oh, it was just…. The best day of my life.'

Jen waited for him to continue, but he seemed too far off in memories, that she couldn't help but laugh.

'Jen to Pacey, Pacey are you still somewhere in there?' She poked him playfully on the shoulder and finally his eyes fixated on her. 'I'm dying of curiosity here, so would you _please_ share whatever memory made you grin that shit eating grin of yours?' She raised a brow and he smiled the sunniest smile she'd ever seen on his face.

'It was fantastic!'

'Yeah, you keep saying so one way or the other. So shoot man, or I will be off attending boring Krester's lesson rather than sitting here watching you grin, telling me it had been great.' She bit into the second croissant. 'Wow, these are good!' And sipped on her coffee while she watched him expectantly.

He sighed and drank his coffee in one go.

'We had brunch and all the while our hands brushed against each others until she took mine in hers.' He paused. 'She took mine in hers, Jen, and it felt divine. Never before had such a simple touch such an effect on my body and mind. Like electricity rushing through my veins. I could barely see straight.' He shook his head, surprised that the memory alone made him want to go back to her just continue right were they had stopped.

She smirked. 'As if you had before.'

'Sush you.' He poked her shoulder much the same way she did before.

'It's true.' Jen defended playfully.

'Yeah, you're right, maybe it is….'

'And what happened after hand holding while eating?'

'I told her how I feel.' Pacey deadpanned, causing Jen to choke on her coffee.

'You _what_?'

'I told her, I'd fallen for her the moment I saw her for the first time.' He smiled again.

'And what did she have to say to _that_?'

'Told me pretty much the same thing.' And he began to tell her in each and every detail the events of the last evening.

'And now? Was this a one night stand Pacey, or will I have to worry next night too?'

He kissed her on the cheek. 'Well, not exactly, I tell you now, that you'll not have to wait for me tonight, because we'll be going to the cinema and…'

'And you are about to stay for the night?'

A dirty grin stole itself into Pacey's eyes as he shrugged casually. 'I told you I had the best day of my life…. _I_ _ncluding_ the night.' He waggled his eyebrows causing her to laugh out loud again.

'Okay, too much information Pace.' She stood and grabbed his hand pulling him up also. 'I guess you gotta change and than we're on for medtech, because you promised that girl you won't stop studying and the first thing you do is forcing _me_ to skip class for _you_ …'

Pacey grinned at her and was just so glad to have a friend like her.

* * *

'Good work, Mister Witter.' Joey stood beside him, handing him back his paper with an A+. He didn't pay any attention to the paper, because every atom in his body was aware of her hand lying on his shoulder. God, he wanted to kiss her right now, in front of everybody. Let them all know she was his, but he didn't. She smiled at him and it gave him god damned butterflies. He cleared his throat.

'Thanks, Miss Potter.' Pacey managed to say as she nodded and handed the next paper back to Jen.

'Outstanding, Miss Lindley. Keep up the good work.' Joey smiled warmly at Jen who returned the smile. Than, suddenly, her hand was gone and she stepped further downstairs, handing papers back right and left until she was standing in front of them in her whole glory.

Pacey couldn't stop his heart from beating as he watched Joey teaching later this day. It had been the longest day in his life, he'd missed her so badly he'd texted her about twenty times over the course of the day, each time getting a response almost instantly. And now, sitting there, watching her, drowning in her voice and not being able to touch her almost killed him.

At the end of the lesson he gave Jen a quick kiss on the cheek and jumped down the stairs of the auditorium, eager to finally be near her again

 **Please leave a review**


	7. Chapter 7

_Hi everyone,_

 _here's the next chapter. After I got myself some advise, there will be a tiny bit drama in this, I hope you don't hate me._

 _The next chapter will be the last one._

 _Hope you enjoy, please review,_

 _Yana_

 **The Lead**

\- Chapter Seven -

Pacey and Joey shared every free minute together. She introduced him to her sister and her new partner and soon Pacey was integrated into her little family. Bessie just adored him and enjoyed his cooking quite as much as Joey did. She used to ask of there was anything he wasn't great at. A great cook, a great doctor, great to be around. Joey used to smile the most stunning smile and while she held his eyes she said: 'And a great lover.' Making him blush every time and wanting her even more than he already did.

Joey, for her part, quickly became good friends with Jen and together they used to playfully mock Pacey about his habit to study until midnight, but Joey was proud of him. He could see it in every look she gave him, feel it in the way her hand lay on his shoulder when he sat at his desk working and she leaned over to have a look of what he was doing, every now and than correcting something or pointing out a tiny thing he'd missed. And it was the greatest motivation, having her pride. Even if it was hard sometimes, to keep on studying when she was close, even harder though at times he knew she had one of those few free days and he had to study, but he'd promised her he wouldn't stop to do so and he wanted to stay true to his word and not only for her, but for himself.

Usually Joey would come over the course of the day, bringing coffee or dinner for the three of them. Laughing, kissing him, making him happy with her being around. At times she'd leave with Jen so he was able to study without any interruption. And it earned him the highest grades and opportunities he wouldn't get otherwise.

* * *

In their first summer together he introduced her to his parents and he knew his father couldn't be prouder. His mother loved her right from the start and so did his siblings. Even if they all had been skeptical because of their age gap and the fact, that Joey had been still the "girl from the wrong side of the creek" in his fathers mind.

* * *

Pacey completed his internships and everyone he'd worked with was full of praise with his work. He just loved what he was doing and more than glad that there was only one summer break left before his last college year. As much as he enjoyed studying, he wanted to finally work as doctor for real.

His last internship was with Joey on the children-cancer-ward, and even though he had much practice by than, he was as nervous as he hadn't been since high school. It was just so strange to not only watch her working but to have to fulfill expectations and please her. He did well, and Joey hadn't expected anything less. They were as close as they had been in the beginning. They just couldn't wait to be near one another, to be alone. They found every opportunity to touch each others hand or accidentally brush against the others body, sending blissful shivers down their spines. It was awesome.

One day during said intern, Pacey stood there in his doctors overall, discussing a medical record with a nurse as he caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye. Joey watched him with a totally new look in her eyes. Somewhere between sad and stunned. As their eyes met, he excused himself and walked towards her.

'Everything ok?' He asked and even if they had been together for almost two years now, he wasn't able to shake off the fear of loosing her. He took her hand and she smiled a little sad smile.

'Well, yes I just... ' She shook her head. 'Never mind.'

'Just what?' He asked while carefully pushing her into the staff room for a little more privacy. The moment the door closed behind them he pulled her into a warm embrace and she let out a sigh of relief. Pacey kissed her hair and carefully forced her to look at him. 'Tell me, Jo, please.'

'It's simpering…' She bit her lower lip and it made her seem so much younger, innocent even. But it also made him want her, so much it was almost painful.

'Tell me.' He urged, feeling the need to know, sensing something deeper there and it made him all uneasy.

'It's just…' She hesitated. 'I see you with those girls and I wonder if I can be enough for you. You're so great in everything you do. You're able to rival with almost everybody here, even me. You're so good, there's rumor you get the chance to get a job here right after you graduated. You're smart, you're so god damned sexy, you're easy going, charming, flirty… You can cook. And you're just so hot.' She sighed and he couldn't deny she flattered him and he couldn't help but chuckle at the order in which she'd listed his abilities. 'God, Pacey. Did you know they bet on who's the lucky girl to get laid by you next?' She looked into his eyes and the subtle sadness in them made him ache deep inside. 'I just don't think I could stand to watch you with some other girl. To know she'd got to kiss you, to be touched by you… To be aware that she would have what I had with you.' She sighed. 'But look at me… I'm so much older than you and you could literally have each and every girl here. I'm so terrified I won't suffice.' She had her hand in her hair and Pacey chuckled in disbelieve.

'Really?' He took a step closer and placed his hands on her shoulders.

'Yeah, really.' Her voice was low and her insecurity made him smile in sympathy.

'Wanna know what I see when I look at you? The most stunning woman I have ever seen. You're just so beautiful, I can't see any other woman could ever hope to comprehend with you.' He cupped her face with his hands and looked deep into her eyes. 'Wanna know, who the lucky girl is that get to sleep by my side every night? Wanna know, who the lucky girl is, I think about last thing in the evening and first thing in the morning? Wanna know, who the lucky girl is, get laid by me tonight? Wanna know, who the only girl in this whole hospital is I really am interested in?' His voice had become husky and he cherished the red that graced her cheeks. 'You, my love. It has been you since that first night, as I keep on telling you. It's you always you.' He kissed her lips in the most tender way. Making them both shiver. 'So please, love, when you next see them bet smile at them and tell them they don't need to bet, because you know the answer. It's you. And there will be no other girl as long as I got to have you.' He told her in all seriousness.

'You really _are_ serious, Pacey, aren't you?' She asked, looking at him in utter disbelieve.

He nodded, wondering why she couldn't believe it.

'Please don't ever let go of me.' She rested her head on his shoulder and he held her until her beeper went off and broke the moment.

* * *

They spend most weekend nights dancing the night away with Jen, Doug and Jack, in whom Pacey found a good friend. But every opportunity the got, they'd steal away, taking a walk in the mild spring nights talking, sharing silence, relishing one another's company. In the summers they would have a skinny dip, more often than not ending in them having sex in the water. In the winters they'd curl up on her sofa in front of a fire, reading books, talking. And making love… Oh, it was the best time of his life. He was happy and he knew so was she.

The worst times were the days when Joey had to work days at college and nights at the hospital. And this was what it was just now. It was even worse, because Pacey just had summers break before the last two semesters would start and most likely the little together-time they had would even get less.

* * *

They walked through the evening streets, arm in arm as she turned her head to look at him.

'Pacey?'

'Hm?'

'I wondered, if you would like to have a cruise with me this summer…' He stopped and looked at her surprised. The last summers he had been away with Jen or Dawson, because she had to work and wasn't able to have enough free time for a holiday with him.

'I would love to have a cruise with you, Joey. It's what I wanted since we got together, we just never made it unto that boat for more than a day or…'

'...a night.' She smiled and he nodded. 'Well yes, and now I'm telling you, I have four weeks off in summer, so if you want to, we could finally have that cruise.'

He smiled at her broadly and picked her up to spin her around, kissing her while doing so and it fitted his feelings. Every time he was around her, she made him feel so alive, carefree and she raised him up, saw more in him than he ever thought he could be, and now she would finally share his only other love - the sea. Really, there was nothing that could made him not want to have her four weeks all for his own.

And really, their trip was all he had hoped it could be. He taught her how to fish, she'd read to him while he was cooking. Her eyes on his tanned body while he was sailing, almost drove him crazy, because he knew she wanted him back and it just was the best feeling in all the world. She used to lay only in her bikini in the half shadow, watching the sun, the clouds, sharing with him what she saw. They barely lay anchor at a harbor, because they just enjoyed being on their own. The few nights they actually lay in an harbor, they sought out beach parties or went dancing elsewhere. They swam in the ocean, made love on deck of his True Love and it was just the best summer ever. And so it had been the hardest thing to do, getting back and into everyday routine.

* * *

College had started again and Pacey felt stressed pretty quick, even though everything went smooth and it was only four weeks into his last year, he felt the end dawning and he worked harder than he ever had before.

Joey had one of those crazy weeks, so they didn't see each other at clock went off early, even though it was Saturday. He was surprised to have a text from her that doesn't tell him, that she went to bed to dream of him, but to ask him for a meeting.

'Meet me at Renee's please? Will be waiting there.' And even if it was the most unexpected thing happening he grinned.

'Well, yes my love. Will be there in thirty.'

Much to Jens amusement, who used to mock him around with his obsession for his girlfriend. Even after almost two years of relationship he couldn't seem to get enough of her ever.

'Believe me, if you ever be lucky enough to meet the perfect guy, you'll understand me.' Pacey kissed Jen's forehead and jumped into a short and a t-shirt, because it was hot outside, put on some sneakers and was off and on his way to her. Because really, there couldn't be a better way to start his day, than to see Joey.

Pacey bunched inside, the waitress smiled at him, disappearing into the kitchen to bring his usuals without asking, becausethey came here regulary. He looked for Joey, not the slightest bit surprised to find her sitting, where they alsways sat. She seemed all upset, obviously tiered to death after 48 hours straight shift and with tear stained eyes.

Pacey got a sick feeling that quickly took over his very being. He rushed towards her and was about to take her into his arms, but she just held her hand up to stop him and so he stood back.

'Joey...', his voice gave away his concern. Slowly he took the seat beside her, hestitating, wondering what was to come. Only than realizing, that the milky coffee that stood in front of her hadn't been touched and was obviously cold by now, probably standing there since she'd texted him a good hour before. 'How long have you been sitting here, Jo?' His voice was low, full of concern. 'You could have just come to dorm…' She shook her head almost impalpable and it did nothing to ease his concern, but the exact opposite. Pacey felt sick to the bone, something wasn't right at all.

Joey just sat there, her hands around her already cold coffee, staring into the room but not seeing anything or anyone. Her breath came shakingly.

'Joey, love.' Pacey carefully placed one of his hands onto one of hers and startled by the cold of it, because it was hot outside, the sun burned down unrelenting and it was only seven thirty in the morning.

'The usual for you.' The waitress sing-songed and smiled the sunny smile, that usually made Pacey smile right back at her, but today it didn't affect him at all, all he could see was Joey and that something was terribly wrong with her. The smell of his breakfast made him feel even sicker. Whatever Joey had to say, it quite certainly wasn't good news.

After they sat for another couple of minutes in total silence, he felt like throwing up and he just couldn't bear the thick silence any longer.

'Please just speak with me, love. Tell me and we'll get through it together.' He urged. Slowly Joey turned towards him and he refused to realize what her eyes were telling him. Deep sadness was in them, but determination also and he knew, he just knew what she was about to say.

'Pace…' She swallowed hard and got back to staring at her hands, clenched around her cup, cold as ice. 'I've been thinking a lot about what I am to say now, and I just want you to listen carefully.' She swallowed again, clearly trying to get rid of the lump in her throat, the same one building up in his. And suddenly he wished he hadn't come, wished she hadn't asked him to come here in the first place. 'I'm sorry.' She turned his head towards him and he almost could hear his heart crack. He knew he had been right and the world stopped turning, his heart stopped beating, his breath got caught up in his lungs. Everything sunk into unimportance.

'Please don't break my heart, Jo.' He knew his voice was shaking, breathless, but he couldn't care less.

'Don't make this any harder than it already is, Pacey.' She broke eye contact and got back to staring at her hands. Pacey refused to believe her, this couldn't be happening.

'You're tired, Joey. Get a good nights sleep and afterwards...' He tried to convince her but she shook her head.

'No Pacey, don't. This has nothing to do with me sleeping ot not. It's a decision that didn't came easy and...'

'But we had the perfect summer, Jo.' He urged, forcing her to look at him. 'We had the best years of our lifes together, just two days ago you told me you're the happiest with me by your side and you know so am I. You're shattering me here, Joey…' His wounded heart ached with every beat. But Joey just met his pleading with unyielding silence. Pacey pushed his plate away and suddenly knew why her coffee had gotten cold. 'Why?' He whispered, not able to verbalize anything more than this, desperately searching for something that could have caused that sudden change of heart, but there was nothing. There was just nothing, no argument, just nothing. Only perfection, laughter, loving.

'Just because, Pacey.' She looked at him, her voice as steady as she could manage and he could feel she'd built a wall around herself, only the tears in her eyes deceived her. 'We have to try and go back to friendship or to a professional relationship. Whatever works for you.'

 _Whatever works for you…._ The words echoed in his mind. He starred at her, not able to feel anything anymore, he was all dump and blind. She'd just ripped his beating heart right out of his chest.

'This, Joey, this – you and me together – is what works for me. Nothing less could ever do.' His voice a mere whisper, even though his heart beat like crazy and his head swam, but in the worst way imaginable, his stomach was knotted and he felt all cold.

' _This_ isn't anymore.' He could see her struggle and clenched onto this last string of hope.

'But it isn't what you want, I can see it in your eyes. So I'll ask you again: Why? Why do you make us both suffer, if what you really want is to just tell me what the hell is the matter?' Pacey saw her flinch and it was only than, that he realized he'd stood up and yelled at her, everyone's eyes now on them and she shivered and he did as well.

'You should probably leave, Pacey.' Joey told him and he looked at her for a long time, all his life seeped out of him, as he watched her averting his eyes, going back to starring at her hands, still clenched around her cup, so the knuckles stood out white, clearly fighting to retaining her composure.

He was shaking all over but he knew there wasn't much to be done, even if he wanted nothing more than to sort this all out. He swallowed hard and than nodded. 'Well yes I should. See you on Monday Miss Potter.' He saw her wincing and for a second he just wanted to shake her, to yell at her again, to hold her close, to just make her tell him, but Pacey knew it would be senseless and so he left Renee's, left his breakfast untouched. The door fell shot behind him and he began to run, hating the tears that were building in his eyes. Hated the dump feeling of feeling nothing at all, hated the beating heart of his, his lungs sucking air into his broken body and his screaming soul.

He had been running all the way back, storming into an empty room. He hit his pillow several times, screaming into it, but nothing seemed to lessen his pain and so he had a shower and began studying. Every time the right thing to do.

* * *

It had been almost two weeks since Joey had dumped him and he felt as if he hadn't left his desk ever since, even if he attended every lesson. Joey's lessons had all been canceled because she was on sick leave. Pacey had tried to reach her, but she didn't pick up the phone and hadn't read any of his text's. One day he walked past her house, but it was dark and her car was gone. He ate little to nothing. Jen had tried several times to get through to him, but he just cut off every attempt she'd started.

It was in the middle of Saturday night as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He was sitting in the dark room on his desk, only his desk lamp shining on his work. Outside the moonless night bathed the world in blissful darkness but the summer night was hot and humid.

'Wanna tell me about it?' He would have smiled at the familiar sound of the most unexpected voice but he just didn't have any strength left.

'Not really.' He shook his head, but Dawson just shoved his papers aside and sat on his desk.

'Hey man, I was reading this.' Pacey was surprised to find himself standing over his friend in an instant, having Dawson's sleeve in his hands, shouting at him much like he had yelled at Joey a few days back. Pacey was just so angry. Anger was all there was left to feel. He was pretty sure he just had slammed Dawson, would it have been anyone else.

'Whoa there Pace. I'm sorry.' Dawson said and Pacey let go of his sleeve, obviously surprised by himself. 'Jen called me pretty concerned. She told me it was bad, but I didn't expect that kind of snafu… the exact opposite of brilcredious.'

Pacey found himself chuckling without meaning to do so at Dawson using the word Pacey created as they first sat foot into this very room. It felt like ages ago. God he was glad Jen had called Dawson, maybe the only person on the planet able to get through to him.

'Yeah, could say so.' He nodded and suddenly felt tears stinging his eyes, blinding his sight as the worst kind of pain suddenly took hold of him.

Without saying anything, Dawson hugged him tight. Much like he'd done after Andie... God at those times, he'd thought nothing in life could feel that bad again, but this... this was a hundred times worse. And the moment Dawson's arms closed around him, Pacey could feel his defenses breaking and he stood there, helplessly sobbing into his friends embrace. As if his arms somehow broke down the dams, surely the only one who could do so.

Neither one could say how long they stood there until finally there were no more tears to be shed. Pacey felt even more empty than he had before.

In complete silence they sat on Pacey's bed, the desk lamp still the only light to lighten the scene and it felt kind of weird.

'Sorry.' Pacey whispered but Dawson just shook his head.

'Nothing to be sorry about, Pace. I'm here anytime you need me, just as you always had been. That's why they call it friendship.' Dawson tried to lighten the mood but pretty quick realized that it wasn't helpful at all. Therefor he cleared his throat. 'So now - what about pizza and then you tell me what caused this.' Dawson patted him on the shoulder and Pacey just shrugged.

'No pizza for me, I've no appetite.' The thought of pizza alone made him sick. There was no way he would be able to actually _eat_ it.

'No argument, Pacey. Jen told me you've eaten next to nothing over the last two weeks, so you will have your share of pizza my dear friend.' With that he grabbed a tall heat retraining package Pacey hadn't noticed until than and unpacked two pizzas. Rubbing his hands together he stood and turned a little more light on.

'So now tell me, Pace.' Dawson looked expectantly at his friend, while placing the pizza boxes on the bed.

'Really, there's not much to tell.' Pacey dropped the slice of pizza he'd grabbed back into it's place.

'But it's enough to made you loose your appetite, drowning in work, not answering your phone, concerning your roommate and ignoring that awesome girlfriend of yours.' Dawson chuckled while he took a hearty bite from his pizza. Pacey winced, because his friend obviously didn't know how close he'd hit to home and it indicated Jen didn't know either. It didn't surprise him this much, because him not seeing Joey for a couple of days usually just meant she was due at the hospital at night shifts or something close to it. And Jen not thinking about the possibility of him having a breakup with Joey just proved what he felt, that nothing had been wrong, everything had been just perfect until that meeting.

'She's my professor.' Pacey somehow managed to say, his throat dry and rough, his voice low.

'But…' Dawson let his hand sink, starring at him with the most unbelieving look on his face. 'But you two were perfect. Just _perfect_ together.' He paused, well he hadn't been around all the time, but every time he talked to Pacey he was the happiest he'd been in a long time. The pictures they'd sent from their trip down the coast showed nothing but happiness and closeness. It was the most absurd thought that crossed Dawson's mind, but it surely would explain all and everything. 'Did… Did she dump you?'

Pacey nodded slowly and tried desperately to swallow at the lump in his throat, not able to say anything at all. God, he wanted her back. Desperately wanted her back, wanted to hold her, to tell her nothing could be worse enough for him to not love her anymore, to make him turn around and leave, nothing could drive him away from her, nothing would make him want to leave or be left. He would sacrifice everything for her.

'I miss her so much it tears me apart, Dawson.' He was helplessly extradited to his tears and so he surrendered, not caring about them anymore, because nothing seemed to have any sense anymore. The only thing he was able to do without breaking down, or burst into tears, was studying. That was the reason he hadn't spoken with Jen. 'And the worst part is, I just don't know why, Dawson. One moment everything was perfect and the next she just...'

'She didn't tell you, why she broke up?' Dawson placed the pizza boxes on the floor and Pacey was glad he'd lost his appetite. too. Pacey shook his head, wiping over his eyes in an attempt to dry his wet eyes, hating his emotional instability. 'But that makes no sense at all.'  
'I know.' Pacey swallowed and drank the water Dawson had offered him. 'And the worst part is, she's on sick leave ever since.' He tried to swallow down the bitter concern that had grown ever since she'd dumped him. That feeling telling him something was absolutely out of order. In his head there were about a thousands scenarios playing round and round. He actually had been at the hospital on every ward to see if she was there. If she probably was seriously sick. Maybe had cancer like her mother did and just wanted to spare him the pain of watching her suffer. And even if they'd let him into every ward without asking, knowing him as student and intern and held up high by everyone, he didn't find her.

'Did you cheat on her?' Dawson asked, raising a brow, knowing Pacey as he did, he knew he wasn't one who'd cheat on account, but maybe he'd been drunken or something like that.

'No, Dawson. I didn't cheat on her. I barely saw any other woman in the literal meaning. And god, how could I? Have you _really_ seen her? I mean, have you actually _looked_ at her? She's a goddamn goddess and she wanted _me_ , so how could I be interested in any other woman? She's beautiful and sexy and witty and … She's everything to me, Dawson, no other woman could ever compare with her. And she was mine, but now she isn't anymore and I just don't know why. I don't know what's gone wrong. Just one day everything was okay and the next she totally blindsided me by dumping me out of the blue. Really, if I had the slightest idea what caused this, I wouldn't be sitting here, telling you she broke my heart into a thousand pieces, because I would try and fix it, but I can't because I haven't the slightest idea.'

Dawson nodded and Pacey just felt a little better, a little more sorted. There hadn't been anything. Nothing he could think of that could have made her leave him like she did.

'Did you talk with Doug?' Dawson asked and Pacey looked at him surprised, because he hadn't thought of his brother in that matter and now it seemed like the stupidest thing to do. Because Jack was Joey's best friend and his brothers husband, so why not asking him? If anyone knew, it would surely be him.

'I call him right away.' Pacey grabbed his mobile but Dawson stopped him.

'Whoa there, Pacey, did you look at your watch? It's way after midnight, you can't call him now.'

'But I do, because whether he'd pick up or he's turned his phone off.' He shrugged while pressing the quick dial button.

'Douglas Witter?'

'Hey Doug, it's Pacey. Can I ask you something?'

'Well, well…. good to hear you little brother. I thought you might never call.'

 **Please review :-)**


	8. Chapter 8

_Hi everyone,_

 _so this is the end. Please let me know if you liked it or not. Because writing endings is always the hardest thing to do. Regretfully there are the least reviews on final chapters, leaving the author wondering if all loose strings are tied up and you, the readers, are satisfied. So please, do me the favor and leave a quick review, PM's are welcome as well ;-)_

 _Special thanks to all and everyone of you who'd reviewed in the past and all of you, that supported me through that really bad writers block. It's a pleasure writing for you all. Just keep on reading and reviewing and I will keep on writing._

 _Thanks to my proofreader and to my truest reader. You know who you are._

 _Have a great night everyone (or a great day, depends on where you are ^^),_

 _See all of you next time,_

 _Yana_

 _Eva: Hope I didn't rush..._

 **The Lead**

\- Chapter Eight -

Pacey slumped down on his brothers sofa after murmuring a quiet 'Hi.' Almost instantly his head sunk into his hands and he ran them through his short black hair, taking a shivering breath, before letting his head drop backwards onto the backrest. God, he was exhausted! And this feeling of being defeated, this deep concern that ate him up inside, the longing for her - it was just too much to bear.

His brother sat beside him, offering him a beer but he just shook his head.

'No beer?' Doug seemed honestly surprised, but placed the unopened bottle on the table.

'Nothing.' Pacey's voice was a mere whisper.

'You look awful, Pacey. Even worse than I'd expected.' Doug's hand landed on his back and Pacey closed his eyes.

'Yeah.' Again, merely audible.

He heard Jack asking something in a whispering voice, but his brother just shushed him away and as much as Pacey had come to like Jack, he was glad that his brother took his unspoken need for privacy seriously and honored it with sending his lover off.

After a long amount of silence Pacey took a shivering breath and looked at his brother with eyes that gave away all of his concern, sorrow and quite surely his recently shed tears.

'So Doug, will you just tell me, please?' His voice was shaking. 'Did she meet someone else?' He was barely able to speak the words, because really, that was his greatest fear. That in the end, he just wouldn't be enough for her, that it would be _him_ that wouldn't suffice.

'No, Pacey, no. She hasn't met someone else. There was no one before you for years and honestly, I can't see anyone else with her.'

'But…?'

Doug smiled and had a sip of his own beer. 'Do you even know who it was? The guy she was with at high school? The only other guy that made it into her life before you ever?'

Pacey shook his head, not entirely sure, if he wanted to know. Not interested in it the slightest bit, because it wasn't helpful.

'Jack.' Doug grinned and it took Pacey a moment to realize what his brother was saying.

'Jack?' His eyes widened. 'But Jack is…'

'Gay. Yes. He came out while he was with her.' Doug grinned and Pacey would have laughed if it hadn't been for his heavy heart.

'What are you saying here, Doug? Why is this of any importance?'

His brother looked at him with the utmost seriousness in his eyes. 'I'm just saying, you were her first one, Pacey. There just hadn't been someone before you who was intimate with her. No one.'

Pacey swallowed, but wasn't quite sure why this information, stunning as it was, would be helpful at all.

'And you're telling me this, because...?'

'To reassure you, Pacey.' Doug paused. 'There will be no one else for her. She loves you.'

'She dumped me, Doug.' He spat the words, and they tasted bitter on his tongue. 'For no reason at all. I'm not caring if I was her first or if there had been men before me, because I can't see how it makes any difference.' He swallowed hard. 'She just dumped me without saying a word about the whys and wherefores. She could have just punched me in the face or pulled a bullet through my head. It would have made no difference. Because she devastated me.' His voice was low, shivering. He didn't know if he could bear this any longer.

'I can see that, Pace. But just know she still loves you.'

'Funny way to show.' Again he ran his hands through his hair. He felt like driving towards a bis wall with high speed, brakes failing and all he wanted to do was scream or just dissipate into nonexistence. 'Okay. So, you're telling me, she loves me. So why did she dump me and avoid me ever since?' Pacey tried to vocalize his deepest fear. 'Is she okay, Doug? I went by her house a few days ago, but there was no light and her car was gone. She's on sick leave ever since she dropped me and it eats me up inside. I've tried to get in touch with her ever since, but she doesn't pick up her phone and hadn't read any of my text's.' He felt his hands getting cold and tried hard to keep his voice from shaking. 'Is she sick and just want to spare me the pain of watching her suffer?' He swallowed at the lump that was building in his throat again. God he hated that he was so weak when it came to her. He wanted to be brave and strong. He'd promised himself after Andie, to never get involved like that with someone again, but he had. He had gotten into this with open eyes and now he was crushed. Quite literally.

'No Pacey, she isn't sick.' Doug looked him deep in the eyes and he almost let out a breath of relieve. 'But she isn't okay either.'

'She isn't?'

Doug shook his head. 'She's on sick leave, and if you know her as good as you pretend to, you'll know that she wouldn't be, if she was okay, now would she?'

Pacey shook his head. But it made no sense at all. 'What's with her? Just tell me for the sake of god!' Pacey felt the anger taking over again and tried hard to calm down so he wouldn't yell at his brother.

'It's not my place to tell, Pacey.'

'Oh, for fucks sake, Doug!' Pacey's voice was low, feeble even. He buried his face in his hands and stayed like this for some time. Trying desperately to calm this nibbling concern inside. There was nothing left to feel. No tears to be shed. Not even enough strength to be angry. 'I guess I'll be leaving than.' As he was about to stand up he suddenly saw Jack standing beside his still sitting brother, his hand on his brother's shoulder and he looked straight at Pacey.

'Doug is right, is not our place to tell anything, but maybe I can help you nonetheless, even if it will grant me her wrath.' He smiled a little smile while crouching down so he was at eyes hight with Pacey. 'Or most likely not. I think she might thank me, because really if you're asking me, what drove her away from you, would never made you leave her.'

'Nothing could make me leave her, Jack.'

Jack placed a hand on Pacey's leg. He felt utterly jumbled up inside, but he got the feeling, that Jack really had to say something important and, more importantly, was willing to actually share it with him.

'Can I ask you something Pacey?'

'Yeah, sure.' His voice was weak and throaty. Pacey held the others eyes.

'Do you love her?'

'Yes, Jack, of course I do. I wouldn't be sitting here if I didn't. I wouldn't be crying all night long. Really, if there was anything I could do, I would. But I don't even know what the hell's the matter. I don't even know how to get in touch with her and that is maybe the hardest thing about it. I guess, If I just could look into her eyes, she might tell me... And I'm sure we could get thruogh it together, as I told her that day.' He swallowed hard. 'I would sacrifice everything for her, Jack. I would drop out of college, if need be. I would even move back to Capeside and live in the shadow of my fathers "I-knew-it-from-the-start,-this-boy-just-can't-achieve-anything" for her. There really is nothing I can think of, that I wouldn't do for her. She's all I want. So yes, obviously, I love her. There's just no sense in my life without her.' Pacey hadn't wanted to share all this, it kind of spluttered out of his mouth, he didn't notice the tear that fell down his cheek while he spoke, his voice desperately, pleading with his friend.

'I kind of was afraid that you'd said something like this, because she knows this is how you feel.' Jack sighed and Pacey was now utterly confused.

'But…?'

'Don't get me wrong here, Pace. This is all you needed to say.' Jack exchanged a knowing look with Doug and even if his brother shook his head slowly, Jack turned back at Pacey, who just wanted to shake him, to make him tell everything he knew, because this was ridiculous. 'So, I won't tell you, what's the matter, because I made a promise. Even thuogh, I will tell you where you'll find her… But you have to promise me, you'll go easy with her. She suffers just as much as you do, I guarantee. There's nothing in the world she'd rather do, than to just turn around and share with you.'

'And why the hell isn't she? Why?'

'Because Joey deals with it the way she dealt with everything in her life that didn't turn out like she planned it - she runs. She is about to resign from her job and move back to Capeside.'

'What? But why? Because of me? That makes just no sense at all...' Pacey's eyes widened. He just couldn't believe what Jack just said.

'I won't tell you anything more, but as I said, I'll tell you where you'll find her: She's aboard your True Love ever since she dumped you.'

'You're kidding me.' Pacey shook his head, but as he saw the seriousness in Jacks eyes it dawned him. True Love was really the only place she could have gone for safety. And even more so, her going there meant, that she clung to their summer, to their love just as much as he did. He had thought about hiding there, too, but abandoned that idea, because being there without her just seemed much to painful.

'Thanks Jack.' He stood and was about to put his jacket.

'You can't go there now, it's in the middle of the night.'

Pacey stopped in his movement and turned to look at Jack with the most ironic look in his eyes. 'It's _my_ boat! So if anyone can go there in the middle of the night, it's me.'

Again Jack exchanged a quick look with Doug and than he stood. 'Wait, I'll drive you down.'

* * *

With a hammering heart Pacey got aboard his boat. Ever since Jack had told him she'd be here, he asked himself why he hadn't looked for her here in the first place. It was the only logical choice to made. Before he got downstairs he put out his sneakers, in attempt to not wake her up. He took a deep breath and opened the door, surprised that it didn't squeak anymore, but smiling a little smile, because he knew she'd hated it the whole cruise, but they hadn't gotten to fix it, because every time they got down here, they had been busy doing something else.

Carefully he avoided the creaky stair and than he saw her. Laying on the bed, legs tightly drawn onto her body, her hair all messed up, her beautiful body covered in one of his comfy sweaters. And his heart ached for her. Because in this instant he knew, he just knew, whatever had driven her to break up with him, she still loved him. Why would she sleep on his boat, in his bed, with his sweater on, if not for being close to him? And he felt the love for her stronger than ever before.

He hung up his jacket and sat down on a chair with armrests. He sat there and watched her sleeping for what felt like eternity. He felt the love for her deep inside. Not the passionate kind of love, but the steady one. The one that made him want to just crawl onto that bed and hold her tight. The one that made him want to sit here his whole life just watching her sleep. Slowly the sun rose and shone through the bully eye above the bed, submerged her perfect sleeping form in soft colors and he longed so much for her, that it brought tears to his eyes. God, he wanted her back. He wanted her back more than anything. He wanted to be hers again. He wanted to share whatever it was that had driven her away from him in the first place.

'Pacey?' He swallowed and blinked his eyes several times, in an attempt to get rid of those tears, but instead sent them falling down his face. She sat up, awfully pale and she looked as exhausted as he felt. 'Sorry, I think I better get going, I…' She paused as she finally looked at him for real. He wanted to say something, but the words got stuck in his throat. She narrowed her eyebrows. 'Pacey…' Her voice soft. 'Are you crying?'

He wanted to laugh at her, to just tell her he hadn't been able to stop the tears ever since that breakfast at Renee's.

'Why, Jo?' He whispered, his voice cracking, as he wiped at his eyes. He just had no strength left anymore. 'Why are you doing this to us?'

'Because… God!' She sat back and took her legs tight towards her body, wrapped her arms around them and hid her face there. He could see her weep, but he wasn't ready to sit next to her and comfort her, because he _needed_ to know. And even if it tore him apart, he just let her cry all alone, like he'd done so many times over the course of the last weeks.

'I have to let you go, Pace. I have to let you go, so you'll have a chance to live your dreams.' She said as she regained some of her composure.

'But _you_ are my dream, Joey.' He told her, desperate to let her know what he felt deep inside.

'No, please don't say something like that. I'm just so much older than you. I will only hold you back, more than I have done already… It was a dream, Pacey. A beautiful one and I long to linger in it some more, this is why I came here. And if anything, just know my heart has never left this boat, it has never left you.' She swallowed and he starred at her. Slowly he got up and took a few steps towards her, sitting next to her on the bed.

'If this is true, why push me away?' His knees were getting weak and he felt all dizzy, he was shaking all over.

'As I said, Pacey. I'll only hold you back from whatever you wanted for yourself. Your graduation is only a step away and with a woman like me by your side, you won't be free to take every opportunity there is for you. Because you'll hold back for me. You'll stay here, because it is where I am. I'll rob you of your youth. I can't do this and therefore I'll be moving back to Capeside. I'll resign first thing after my sick leave is over next week.'

'What makes you say such things, Jo? I would gladly sacrifice all of my dreams for you, because I love you so much. There really is nothing I wouldn't do to have you by my side.' He knew he sounded as desperate as he felt, but really what was there left to loose?

'I know and this is the reason I have to withdraw. Really, Pacey, I wish I could stay by your side…'

'So what is it? Is there someone else? Jo? Is there?' He asked breathlessly, his voice shaking as were his hands, his heard hammering.

'No!' She shook her head determined.

'No… Are you sick?' He asked, even though he knew the answer to this. She shook her head and he lost his patience and he just felt like shaking her, like forcing it out of her no matter the cost. 'Jeez woman, just talk to me. Did you know I was on every ward looking for you?' Her eyes widened, but he just didn't see, why he should spare her the bad conscience. 'This is pure torture Joey, you know? Are you aware I'm not able to think without you? You're devastating me and you have the heart to tell me, it's only for my best? Are you serious? I'll tell you something - as things are right now, I will not graduate, because I'll be going crazy before graduation. I will have lost my mind and I mean it, Joey.' He stood by now, hands in his hair. 'God, please. You know it doesn't bother me that you're older than me. It's no big deal, really. There are so many girls around me every day, but I just don't see them, because I have - I had – you. I told you once, and I will tell you again, you're the only one I want. I don't look at them anymore, because my heart lies with you.' He turned to fully look at her, sitting there, sunk in his sweater. 'I love you Joey and I just don't see what could ever change this.' He looked down at her and she held her hands up to him. He took them, again surprised, that they were cold as ice and let her pull him down to her. Oh, but he wanted to hold her, he missed her so much even if she sat right in front of him, he wanted to kiss her, to caress her, he longed to be by her side. And at the same time he knew, if she hold him, he would fall asleep, because he was just as tiered to death, he hadn't had a good nights sleep in many days and that last night hadn't been helpful at all.

'Why are you saying this, Pacey?' Her voice was low and shaking.

He looked up at her, surprised to see her eyes filled with tears again.

'Because it is the truth, babe.' The endearment slipping from his lips unintentionally. He shifted his body, so he was beside her, tenderly forcing her to look at him. He wasn't afraid anymore, because if he couldn't get through to her now he would never be able to.

'But…'

'No ifs and buts.' His voice was soft as he wiped the tear on her cheek away. 'Please Joey, just tell me. I thought we sought this out. I really thought you knew, there would be no other than you. And this is entirely egoistic, because I just don't want any other guy to have you the way I did.' He withstand the urge to kiss her, because he needed an answer. 'Please Joey, will you just tell me what the hell is the matter? I promise you we'll sort it out. We'll get through it together. But please explain to me, because you sent me through hell and fire, you really devastated me here…'

'I…' She closed her eyes. 'I'm sorry, I didn't meant to hurt you. I... I just can't ask this of you, Pacey. You're twenty-two, you're supposed to be carefree and unbound.'

He furrowed his brows. 'Ask what of me?'

'Pacey…' She opened her eyes, tears shining in them. She took a shivering breath an looked into his blue eyes. 'I…. I'm going to have your baby.' She bit her lower lip and it struck him like a slap in the face. She was having his child. And an unexpected joy began to surface through all the concern and sorrow, through grief and dolefulness, a little light began to lit up in him and finally he could breathe again, felt warm for the first time in two weeks. He laughed out loud as relief flooded through his veins.

She just looked at him, unsure about what to feel about his reaction.

'Really?' He held her eyes and she nodded. ' You're pregnant?'

She nodded.

'And this is the reason you push me away? You're having my child and turning away from me?' He watched her with wide eyes.

'I only will hold you back, Pacey. Please don't ask me to have an abortion, I have thought this through, I…'

Pacey's arms were around her and his lips on hers stopped her from finishing what she wanted to say. He kissed her in the most tender, loving way he'd ever kissed a woman. He lay all his heart in that kiss. By the grace of god, he wanted that child, wanted a family with her. This was what he'd wanted all way long, maybe not now, but certainly at some point down the road.

'Please babe, please let me be part of this. It's our child growing under your heart. Had I known this to be the reason I would have never let you push me away in the first place.' He kissed her nose-tip and placed one hand carefully, almost devotedly onto her stomach. 'This is my responsibility as well as yours and I am ready to take it.'

'But it will hold you back…' She whispered. 'I will have to quit working at the hospital at some point anyway.'

'So go on teaching, Jo. I will graduate in a few month, I will take the job they offered me. It's really all I could wish for… So I don't see any problems here. You own that perfect house. Really, how's having a family with you holding me back from anything?'

Joey shrugged but smiled a shy smile. 'You wanted to join "Doctors without borders" next year…'

He nodded and held her close, while she held him close. 'Well yes, I wanted that, but not doing it next year doesn't stop me from doing it somewhere along the way.'

'So… You want me to stay? And have that baby together?' She turned to she could look into his eyes and he knew they must shone with love and joy.

'Really, Joey, there is nothing I want more. I want you to be with me, no matter what. Through every storm and high waters, as well as sunshine.'

'I want you to be with me, too.' She smiled lopsided, because this sentence was how this all started in the first place.

They looked into each others eyes and slowly, almost devotional, Pacey stroked her flat stomach.

'There really someone in there?'

She nodded and slowly their lips met again in a silent promise. Then he draw her near and as she held him close he felt himself drifting into the first real sleep in days.

* * *

The next month weren't as easy as they wanted them to be. Pacey wanted to move in with Joey, but she demanded, he stayed at dorms for the remaining college time, because she felt he could study more wholeheartedly there. They renovated a room for the baby, his father built a crib. They buoght a second desk and a computer for Pacey, because it was out of the question, that he would move in by the time the baby was born.

Joey kept teaching, but as she started to have heavy bleedings at the end of her pregnancy she had to lie most of the time. Bessie cared for her through that time. Pacey commuted between college, hospital and Joey's place back and forth, never failing to study with his whole heart.

And as much as he wished he could just be with Joey more, she used to tell him, that he had to do this for himself and he had to admit, that she was right. He would regret it his whole life, if he would fail at this. So he would come in at least every evening, mostly with Jen in his follow and he would cook for all of them, sometimes Jack and Doug joined them. And Bessie of course as she lived with Joey for the time being.

They used to sit for a while, joking, laughing, sitting all around the sofa on which Joey lay and every time their eyes met he was just so grateful that he had her, love poured through his very being and he just knew she was the one for him.

* * *

The day Pacey graduated, he couldn't have been prouder. He stood in front of everybody, his parents sat beside Joey, who cradled his new born son. Really he got everything he ever wanted from life and all happened right here. He knew he would miss college badly, but with Joey by his side he would at least have the chance to be here every now and than. And he knew there were a bunch of students waiting to be taught by him next semester at the hospital. He smiled as Joey handed his son to his mother and stepped up the stage to hand him his graduation papers.

'I'm more than proud to be able to hand this in person to my most promising student. Congratulations Mister Witter.' She said into the microphone and beamed at him and he couldn't help but mirroring her smile. He wanted to kiss her, but he held back for the moment.

Later in the evening, as they finally were alone in their house, their son asleep, Joey joined Pacey in the living room, where he was sitting, smiling to himself while watching the dance of the flames.

'Hey there my love.' She sat beside him, his arm almost instantly around her shoulder. 'I wanted to give you a little gift to honor the day.' She smiled but he shook his head.

'You gave me the most beautiful child a few day's ago. There's nothing more you could give me.'

She shrugged while she bit her lower lip. 'Maybe there's something. Would you close your eyes for a second?'

'Can do. If you promise you'll be there when I open them up again.'

She chuckled and he closed his eyes, wondering what she had in mind.

'All right than, open them up again.'

As he opened his eyes she held a little ring in her palm. A plain golden band and she looked him in the eyes. He felt breathless and his heart beat like it was about to jump out of his chest.

'Through high-water and sunshine, if you want to, my love.'

He stared at her, needing a moment to realize what she'd offered him.

'Is this you, asking me to marry you?' He was barely able to speak, totally overcome with emotions as he touched the golden band in her palm carefully.

'Well yes, if you want to.' She smiled at him.

'Yes I will.' His voice all throaty, Pacey nodded while offering her his left hand so she could slid the ring over his finger. 'God, I love you so much, Joey.'

She smiled at him and cupped his face with her hands. 'And I love you, which is exactly why I want to share my live with you.' She whispered and sealed his lips with a tender kiss, making him fall even deeper in love with her and he held her close, never wanting to let go of her ever again. And he wouldn't.

The End

 _Please leave me your thuoghts._


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